Surprise!

its funny how life works out. more often than notthe days unfold in ways completely unexpected. My whole life i have had expectations of the life i would lead; ideas on how i wanted to live said life. now that i am 28, married and have a child, i am smack dab in the middle of living the life that i spent so many years imagining. and the funny thing is, it is NOTHING like i imagined.

well, that is not entirely true. i always said i would marry an international and live overseas. so that part is actually exactly how i imagined it. it is the outer-lying details that are so strange.

a good friend of my recently asked me what it was i truly wanted. not what i should want, or what people think i want. not even what i always thought i wanted. but what do i really want right now, at this very moment. that questions has proven to be quite thought provoking. and as i have spent several weeks thinking and praying over the question, the answers that i have come up with are vastly different than i would have ever imagined.

I have always prided myself on being the 'free spirit' of the family. quite nomadic, always on the go, never really having stability and loving every second of it. i have always fought against the typical suburbia life style. i didnt want a white picket fence with PTA meetings and neighbourhood bridge clubs. i wanted a faster pace of life, with no roots. i watned to explore and bring my family with me. it was one of the first things that really brought rhys and i togther, the desire to make everything an adventure. never the norm, and never the safe.

shock number one for Kristina....i want suburbia. i dont want to live in the middle of nowhere; and 3 years in london has shown me that i do not want a busy city either. i want the middle of the road. (yes, i did just type that. i know, its hard to believe. the middle of the road) i want the suburbs. although after typing that, i feel i should clarify. i want the stability that a settled life offers. the 1950's idea of a nuclear family. that is what i want. a nomadic, live life out of a backpack does not provide the house, dog and boat all sitting nicely in my driveway.



rhys and i still desire to make an adventure out of our lives and family, but we also want roots. i want to have a space that we can call our own. not a rented flat that is less than the size of a one car garage. but space. space to have a back garden where we can have a family picnic. space to play on the kitchen floor. for that matter, space to have more than two people in the kitchen a time.



i want furniture and a bed that rhys and i choose, not simply forced to make due with whatever mismatched hodge podge happened to come with the flat. dishes, silverware, towels, picture frames, books, movies, picture albums, closet space. normal things that familes have. i want that. i really do. i want our OWN space. i long for the settled life of suburbia. I cant ever see myself as the typical 'soccer mom' but i think i have finally found a happy medium.

shock number two for kristina?.... i do not want to be a full time stay at home mom. i know, the horror, the horror. but its true. my entire life i couldnt wait until i had my first kid and could quit work FOREVER. and i was truly blessed to have a year paid maternity leave on the mildly socialist government that is the UK. and that year was perfect. now? well, now i want to work again. not full time. and not to have a high powered career, but work none the less. i would like to get out in the world, interact with other adults and make a difference in something. however small or large my job may be, i want to be dedicated to do it and do it well. I want to put on a suit and heels a couple days a week and roll around building forts and painting the rest of the days. i love little eleri, but i love others things as well.

since admitting, mostly to myself, that i really do want to go back to work, i feel like a big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. there seems to be an expectation in the middle of america that to be the best possible family, mom needs to stay home. i have had people tell me "good for you, its the best for your children" and "i feel sorry for kids whose moms work" i think those are very negative and misguided comments. whatever works best for each family is the best option. not a blanket statement of "dads go to work, moms stay at home". and i know that it will be best for eleri and my marriage for me to be out in the 'world' making a difference as well as at home, loving and teaching my little one.

after i came to the conclusion about suburban life and being a part-time working mother, i continued to think and pray about what it is i really want out of life. i came up with little things like I want to run long distances. hence the ultra marathon on the horizon. and i came up with idealistic, long term things like i would love to open a fair trade, freshly produced/grown food and product store that has price equivalents to walmart. that way people could get fair and healthy products without spending the entire budget. i would also like to develop a city wide recycling scheme in tulsa. they are in desperate need.

i also want this leather jacket and another tattoo. but thats a different story all together.


it has been an interesting question to think about. i encourage you all to do it. sit down and really think about what it is you want. not what you think you should. or what you have always said you wanted. but what it is right now that you really want. you might be just as surprised as i was.

the weekend, finally.

its been a long and busy week as rhys and i dove head first into fundraising. i am glad it is friday night and we can take a break to enjoy one another.

but before i head off for the weekend, i just wanted to extend a giant THANK YOU to everyone who has donated to our cause so far. i am amazed at the generosity. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! we really do appreciate all the help as we try to reach our goal of £750. i hope that we can raise above and beyond that.

so if you have not done so already, go to our Ultra Marathon Website and think about joining our team.

more excitment to come on monday! enjoy the weekened everyone.

the weekend, finally.

fund raiser number 1: guess my time

i love to run. there is nothing else that really compares to the feel i get when i am out there, just me and my shoes, on the open road. nothing to distract me, nothing i have to do, no deadlines to meet, no meals to cook, no laundry. nothing. just me and my shoes. short distances, long distances, fast, slow. it doesnt matter. i love running.

and i have decided to take my running one step further.

i used to run 4 or 5 half marathons a year. it gave me something to train for, but also a wonderful sense of accomplishment after finishing each race. rhys and i used to train together as well, so it was a good way to spend quality time together as a couple.

then i got pregnant. and really sick. that slowed my running down quite a bit.

and then i got skin cancer. i had several operations and more stitches than i can count. and that brought my running to a screeching halt.

slowly i have worked my way back into running shape. and joy of all joys....i still LOVE running! and i have decided that its time to take my running to more than just a few half marathons here and there and some long runs on the weekends.

i am doing an ULTRA marathon in November. let me clarify. i would LIKE to do an ultra marathon in November. but i need to raise enough money for entry fees and charity benefit. I have managed to convinve my husband that he should do it too. so we will be running together! we have already started training. now its time to start fund raising.

fund raiser number one: guess my time.

the race that we want to do is the Pembrokeshire Costal Run. 78.6 miles over 3 days. basically a marathon a day for 3 days straight. awesome eh?

so i thought it would be fun for people to guess how long each leg, or the total, would take. and whoever is closest to our actual finishing time WINS! and what do you win you ask? double your money. lets say you contribute £10 for your guess. and you guess correctly. you win your £10 back plus an additional £10!! profit. sweet. of course i will accept normal sponsorship as well. but i thought the contest made giving your money away a bit more exciting :) you can guess just my time, or just rhys' time, our both of our times. lots of options!

outside of entry and fees, money raised is going to THIS charity. having dealt with, and still dealing with, skin cancer issues myself, this charity is near and dear to my heart. information and support are crucial and this organisation has provided me with both.

we have 3 weeks to try and raise all the money we need. not a lot of time, i know. So spread the word! any amount, small or large, is greatly appreciated. basically i am asking my friends for money. i feel a bit strange about it, but i am not sure how else to raise money except ask people. so please know that i am not entirely comfortable with this, but i am doing it anyway :)

if this sounds like something you would like to do please send me an email: kristina.williams0@yahoo.co.uk or just post a comment on how i can get in touch with you and i will do so. i really appreciate all your help towards the ultra marathon and towards the skin cancer foundation

never before in my life....

have i had to change my entire running route because of sheep. yesterday i started my evening training run the same as every other day. out of the house, down the lane and up the hill to the next village over. only yesterday i was stopped before i even got to the hill. a farmer was herding his sheep from one pasture to another. and about 300 sheep were blocking the road. the sheep dogs were running wild and the farmer was sitting patiently in his defender 90, waiting until all the sheep has crossed over. I was not patient enough to wait and then get stuck behind 300 sheep as they walked down the lane.

can you imagine the conversation when i got home? "what took so long" rhys would ask.... "uh, i got stuck behind really slow sheep and couldnt run past?!" crazy.

so i ran a new way yesterday. and had to laugh because that has never happened to me ever before!

things i love

e loves to say 'boo'. she will hide behind, around, in, and under anything to play peek-a-boo. i treasure these moments with e.





I love that this is a sight i see daily on my runs. even in the middle of no where, on a tiny country lane, i am reminded that i live in the UK. i smile every time i run by this.





basically i love everything in this picture. i love ele's new converse's. i love the multi coloured blanket. and i love her little turn up jeans from baby gap. she is a stylish kid.






I love that with rhys new job he can take time out of his day to be with us. we ate lunch together Wednesday and i am grateful for the flexibility that lets him do that. i LOVE my family.





I love these flower detail ballet flats.





i love being married to rhys. everyday i am reminded in new ways why saying yes to him was the best decision of my life. today in particular, because we have so much fun together.





it is fairy chilly over here; already time for scarves and jackets. and the leaves have started to change. i used to say that i loved boiling hot summer the best. i think it has changed. i absolutely LOVE sunny, cool fall weather.





e loves to immitate. whatever an adult is doing, she wants to do. my mother-in-law always takes time with the little one. even down to getting matching mops!




there is a tiny, hidden away spa in Covent Garden, London. I LOVE thier products. they are my one super girly splurge. they are fantastic face and body soaps, srubs and lotions. I will be bringing quite a few back with me when we move. they are fantastic!




i LOVE that i had the opportunity to be pregnant. lately i have heard so many heart renching stories about woman desperately trying to have children. i am eternally grateful that fertility was never something rhys and i struggled with. and even with the sickness and difficulties, i loved being pregnant. wouldnt trade it for the world!





Sunshine! because this is how i feel today, excited and ready to take on the world!

et

on friendship

whenever i write about a singular topic, i like to start the post "on..." whatever. to me it is reminiscent of John Locke's "On Government" and sometimes it is nice to feel like John Locke. that said....

living abroad has taught me a lot about friendship. i have come to understand the need for fellowship on an entirely new level. there is an element to life that is not meant to be lived in a solitary way. without a doubt there are times in life when we need to pull back and recuperate as individuals, but there are times when we so desperately need the companionship of other people. sometimes we need help, sometimes we need a listening ear, and sometimes we just need a laugh and a pint. but whatever the occasion we need people. three years out of the comfort zone of my friends, family and country has taught me what a valuable necessity friends can be. old friends, new friends, friends of friends. being in the company of friends can provide some of lifes greatest moments.

but friendship can also be painful. when you truly open yourself up, becoming vulnerable and completely honest with another person, you also open yourself up to a new level of hurt and sadness. often times it is feeling empathy for whatever your friend is going through. but often times it is pain at the hand of your friend, be it intentional or not. this is the aspect of fellowship that proves difficult. because we are humans interacting with other humans, we are bound to make mistakes. our own selfishness comes through and the people around us get hurt. yet in spite of that, the benefits of friendship will always out weigh the negativity.

and i was recently presented with the best and worst of friendship all in the same day. yesterday in fact.

i woke up, quite please after a great nights sleep, ready to start the day. almost immediately i was smacked in the face by the hurtful words and actions of someone i would class as a dear friend. our lives are quite similar, this friend and mine. but perhaps at the moment the few differences that separate us are too great a distance for him to climb. perhaps he is merely distracted by his immediate surrounds. or perhaps our friendship is changing and neither one of us are prepared for that. but whatever the reasons, over the past few weeks, said friend has made me feel used, unappreciated and expendable. even when confronted on such topics, said friend makes no attempt to remedy the situation. i have tried nearly everything i know, but the friendship seems to be at a standstill. because of the history this dear friend and i have, i am having difficultly just moving on. and yesterday i reached the boiling point. it was mentioned in a round about way that i was too self indulgent. hmmmm. when pressed, he couldnt, or wouldnt, elaborate.

at first i was hurt, but that gradually transformed into frustration. and i allowed that frustration to reflect on other aspects of my life. instead of recognizing that it was one friendship, it became that i was estranged from all my friends back home. i was isolated here in wales. even my london friends were too far away. no one really understood, no one really cared. life is so hard for poor little kristina. poor me, poor me, poor me.

obviously that is the mature response to friendship difficulties.

then, later in afternoon i had a chance to have a skype call with another dear friend of mine, devi. Devi and i have an equally long history as the above mentioned friend, but in a much different way. she and i have a unique relationship. people are often surprised that we are such close friends because on the surface we appear quite different. plus in university we had a VERY different group of friends. however, our bond is strong. and our friendship is one of my most treasured. we ended up talking for an hour and half. and it filled my heart. single handedly, she reminded me of all the positives of close friendship. she spoke truth and joy into my heart and life. she asked difficult questions whilst providing laughs at the same time.

the frustration and hurt i felt from one of my friends led me to be vulnerable with another friend. and that second conversation led to an new and very much needed perspective. as a result, today i am evaluating life in a different way. and that small change is making a drastic difference.

both aspects of friendship are necessary. the good and bad are so intertwined that they often work together bringing amazing and unexpected results. and those are the things that enrich our lives. as i think about my friends, i can see specific ways that different people have blessed and filled my life. my london mom friends have helped me become a parent. my london rugby friends have helped me stay spontaneous. my university friends helped me become an adult. my tulsa friends remind me of my roots. my arkansas friends show me what normal life can look like. and my european friends help to open the door of my mind. there are friends for every stage and every situation.

and whatever the situation, we need friendship. all the good and bad that comes along with it. the extroverts among us may want more friends and more interaction than those who tend to be introverted. but there is no way around the basic principle that fellowship is a necessary element of human life. we need friends. and even when i am hurt and frustrated with some of my mine; i am extremely grateful to have the friends that i do.