28 August 2008

life. what. to. do.

what is it about life that makes it so weird.... what is it that makes us questions and struggle and laugh and love and dance and cry, sometimes all at the same time? I am 26 now. Technically I am 26, 3 months and 28 days old. Not that it is really old, but its not exactly a 'young pup' either. I no longer qualify as a recent graduate. I do not get youth discounts on train travel, hostels, and I class as an adult officially when renting a car. I still have my student ID from U of A, which I try to use occasionally, but I fear that even that will have to come to an end soon.

So what to do now? Ah, the proverbial question. What. to. do. While I have no answer for that question, today I feel strangely empowered to make positive decisions and changes. For those of you that have known me, and lived me with, for years can assume what this means. Changing my hair, new piercing, feeling compelled to get a new tattoo, rearranging the furniture, getting ride of clothes etc... While some of those things will hold true for this time of change, i.e I am getting my hair cut at 11:30, I am in the middle of massive closet clean out, and new tattoo is on its way, this time I am also adding a new element. As i seem to be quite a fan of lists recently, i have complied a list of things that I will change/start to do to make a positive difference in how I will choose to live the next years of my life.

set aside time to spend in prayer and meditation (with Jesus of course, don’t think i have gone all crazy and post-modern over here)

really recycle. not just bottles and glass, but everything

simplify. get ride of all the crap i have that i don’t really need. live in more open space and less clutter.

stay motivated to read the entire Bible.

really invest in being the best wife that i can be. even if it means i cant be as lazy as i want when i come home from work.

lose the pride and actually get a job i love regardless of image.

learn to smile and laugh instead of getting angry and gritting my teeth (yeah, i do that sometimes...only to myself but still!)

learn to sew.

be dedicated to writing. journal, blog, articles, whatever...keep doing it! A my good buddy Anais Nin says, “We write to taste life twice - in the moment and in retrospection.”

make a prayer list for those important and pray through it everyday.


keep running.

make smart food choices. ok, i will still eat mcdonalds, but lets be a bit wiser about the fat/grease intake compared to veggies. this is the only body I have so i really should take better care

read for fun. poetry, history, novels, theology. i have loads of books in my house that i haven’t even read. i will start there.

start taking pictures again.

really invest in KIVA.

So that is the list that I am committed to for the next little bit of my life. Not that I am expecting dramatic changes because I am really trying hard to not have expectations. My thought is that I have spent a lot of this year complaining about my job, the weather, the flat, etc... and while some of those things do get me down there are better options of dealing with it. The trivial things of everyday life cannot effect me unless I let them. I have a choice to feel annoyed sitting my desk at work, with nothing to do, hating my job...or I can look at the fantastic opportunity that I have to read, journal, pray, catch up with friends, write letters, and most recently, send book ideas to publishers. What I am saying is that its time to approach life on my terms.

In the LAX airport, coming back from the British Embassy in August of last year i bought a mug. On one side is a little heart and on the other is the phrase "Love what you do, do what you love" Now is the time to truly embrace that phrase and trust that this is the time that the Lord has given me to follow his leading, with a smile, wherever that may take me!

27 August 2008

never drink before 5pm

One should never drink before 5pm. This is a good rule and should always be followed as I discovered last night. Let me start from the beginning. I drink these mini yoghurt drinks in the morning. They tied me over until I get to work and have breakfast there. But yesterday morning I discovered on my way to the train station that the yoghurt drink had gone off! I tried to drink it, but it ended up a bit too sour. So, I was starving when I got the office and I ate my lunch straight away. But then about 11:30 I was hungry again...so I ate my 'afternoon' snack sandwich. Then I had nothing left to eat for the rest of the day! Tragedy, I know. I had already made plans to meet my good friend from Scotland, who was in London for the day, for early drinks. But it couldn’t be dinner as I have a 10K on Sunday and had to run yesterday evening as well and didn’t want to eat an early dinner.... you get the picture. I was super excited, left work at 4:00 to meet her and so the fun began.

My first problem was I had a completely empty stomach and a really stressful day. Not that my stress level necessarily had anything to do with it, but all the same. So off to the pub we went. Good chat, great to catch up and all I had was two pints! That’s it, one pint of Hoegaarden and one pint of Fruli. So my next problem was my choice of beer. Two rather strong pints. I nursed the two pints from about 4:45 until it was time to run to catch my train at 6:30. But the damage was already done! I stood up and woah.... I was definitely feeling the effects of my early evening beers! But at that point what could I do?! Off I ran to catch my train. A bit worse for wear, but also laughing at myself for randomly being tipsy in the middle of the afternoon!

I managed to get on my train with a few minutes to spare. whew. Then we just sat, and sat and sat. Finally, about 15 minutes after the train was supposed to leave, right about when I am starting to get a headache from no food, the running and alcohol, the announcement comes on "excuse me ladies and gentleman, due to conductor problems, this train has been cancelled" Oh no, seriously? So off we all get and run across 4 platforms to the next train. It was packed. Still, we all try to cram on. It was like a movie scene, so many people trying to fit in such a small space. I was one of the lucky few who managed to get on. Then we just stood there, smushed for about 10 minutes. Then another announcement "ladies and gentleman due to the over crowding of this train, the service has been cancelled. Please re-locate to platform 11 for the service in a larger train" What?! That was the platform I just came from! So off we ran again. Now I have a headache, feel sick to my stomach and am still a bit tipsy. Back on the other train I go. Manage to grab a seat and then another announcement! (Seriously, I am not making this up!) "Ladies and gentleman, we are experiencing some signalling problems and there will be a slight delay to this train" Finally, about 40 minutes late, off we go. Get to Watford and think 'Crap, I have a stupid 10K on Sunday' so off I go to the gym. Thirsty, sick stomach, dreary eyed and still with a headache.... and it’s only about 7:45!! Somehow managed to stick it out for a 5K run at the gym, drank loads of water, had a stretch and was totally fine!

Whew... I tell you what! No more drinking in the afternoon, with no food, when I have to catch a train and run! Good lesson I learned last night. Shame it took me 2 pints, 3 trains, a headache and a 5K to learn it!

26 August 2008

makin' my millions!

Last Friday I started my plan to make millions! I put 9 things up for sale on eBay and I am just waiting for the money to start rolling in. Ok, so even if all 9 things sell, I will have only make about £45 but its a start! I have bought a lottery ticket for the past 5 weekends in a row. It started at £8 million and is now up to £55!! I have yet to win but I figure someone has got to and one week it could be me! So while I wait on the lottery I figured I needed a back up plan. Enter eBay. I don’t really expect to get millions from selling my clothes and shoes at an on line auction site...but I am at a loss here. I don’t know what I want to do with my life, Rhys doesn’t like his job, and neither one of us really want to work for 'the man'

Don’t you ever wake up in the morning and just want to do a job you love? If you are reading this and love your job, then I am so envious it’s not funny! Because it is not that we don’t want to work, we just want work that we love! I want to work for a charity, or run a hostel, or volunteer somewhere, work with inter-city children, or teach outdoor education...and on and on. Unfortunately, I need money to do any of those things. I have found that the fantastic jobs don’t always pay enough to actually live. Here in London the cost of living is so high and jobs in such high demand that unless you have loads of experience and extra cash on the side, it’s next to impossible to make a living out of a charity job or youth work. So while Rhys and I wait on the lottery and eBay to make millions, we have come up with a few other ideas on how to make all our 'work' dreams come true.

1. Giant outdoor festival in America. Think Glastonbury but middle-America. There are not any big outdoor festivals in the states. Not sure why really. There is Memphis in May, but no camping...and Woodstock 1996 was not successful. Oz Fest is a staple, but again that doesn’t really appeal to everyone. Huge artists from all across the board is what is needed. Potentially over spring break weeks... One in California area, one in Florida area...perhaps Chicago area as well. I think it would be brilliant. (again though, we need money to start it...although I envision we could make quite a lot)

2. travel guide for couples. Rick Steeves or Let's Go type of guide, but for couples. Not all hostel environments are suitable for the people that want to travel in a pair...so why not create a guide that offers dirt cheap travel for those who want to do in two's. I think its great, and there is really nothing out there like it at the moment...

3. Begging. I hear they actually make quite a lot. Roughly £30,000 a year! Plus you get to wear what you want, keep your own hours and have flexible holiday time. I was tempted one time when I was in Barcelona on my own to set up 'shop' on Las Ramblas. It is the main tourist street in Barcelona, millions walk down it everyday, and my thought was to sit there with my backpack and a sign that read "out of money. just want to go home to my mom" Young, single girl, travelling on her own. Just wants to see her mom. Seriously, I could have made a sweet buck or two! Unfortunately I do have a conscious, and couldnt lie to people. I was close to running out of money, but I didnt want to go home. But I am telling you, there is a good future in the begging industry.

4. Easy Jet Concept connected with Hostel chain in America. Ok this is seriously a brilliant plan. America is so vast and fantastic but few people travel around it because it is NOT travel friendly. No mass rail service, grey-hound is shady and it’s too expensive to rent a car and stay in hotels. So if we got someone, say Donald Trump, to front the $4 million to start up the business, I reckon this would take off. Create a low cost airline, no frills, cheap as dirt like Ryan air or Easy Jet that flies to major and minor cities in America. Think New York City to Raleigh/Durham or Miami, Florida to Birmingham, Alabama. There are big and small cities in America. We just need to create a cheap way to get from one place to another and cheap accommodation once there. Put a few hostels in each city and bang...tourism! Like the Oz Adventure buses in Australia. Loads of travellers all piled into a tourist bus that hits the major spots. They stop at sponsored hostels and locations. We could really market that in America.

So in absence of winning millions, someone giving us millions, or getting a sweet job at our dream company, it seems that Rhys and I will be stuck in our dull jobs, selling things on eBay, waiting for the millions to roll in. If any of you out there know someone looking to invest in a great start up company, let me know...I have loads more ideas! :)

22 August 2008

one year on....

As of today, the 20th of August, I have lived in the UK one year! Yup, that’s right. I landed the 20 August 2007. Come to think of it, probably right around this time as well....

In honour of my 1 year anniversary in the UK I have created a best and worst list. Similar to David Letterman, except no one pays me millions to tell them what I like the best, and dislike the most. I would like it if someone did, because that would be the best job ever!! Nevertheless, here is my list; one year on and there are the 10 things that I find to be the best and worst of life in a European country.

1. Rhys. Yes cheesy, I know. But living in the same country is by far the best things about living in the UK. 365 days of being together!! A record!!
2. Rugby….all the time. While at times this can seem like the worst thing about this country, all in all I really enjoy the fact that you can watch rugby all the time; seven’s, league, union, club…its fantastic. And very unifying. Its great.
3. Pub Culture. I love, LOVE this aspect of the UK. People congregate in pubs, hang out after work, on the weekends, for Sunday lunch, for sporting events…its so fun, so inviting. I really think America is lacking in terms of this.
4. Europe. We are so close, and it’s so cheap! Who could ask for more?!
5. Primark. Ok, so loads of people think its cheap and crap…and sometimes it is. But come on, you can go to Primark get 3 shirts, a skirt, a pair of trousers, a belt, two necklaces and a pair of shoes for £24.50!! that is a good deal whatever currency you use! So what if the close only last one season, you only paid, what, like £3 a shirt?!
6. My Blackberry. That is not really UK specific, but I have a ‘fancy’ job over here in London. Whilst I don’t really like the work, they have given me a blackberry. And I love it! Maps, internet, email, phone….its great.
7. The Pound Sterling. Worth so much, need I say more
8. Visitors. I like that people come to visit. I have probably seen more of a variety than I would have if I had been in America. In tribute to those who have come, I will list them all out here: Leah Miller, Stefanie and Josh Lawson, Jamie and Laura Green, Matt Aspegren, Brian and Steph Clause, Jared and Anna Olander, plus my parents are coming in September, Devi Abraham is coming in November and Jason, Sarah and Hiba Pollack are coming in December and Susanna Mizel moves over in January!! (Susanna, if you read this-that counts!)
9. The style…or lack there of. I love that NO ONE matched over here, its great! You can layer and wear colours that don’t go together and brown and black and no one cares!
10. London. Hey, that can be a thing! Whilst I do often
complain about the tube, train, and general business of the
city, I like it for now. It’s nice to have excitement and fun.

No chick-fil-a. You have no idea how much I miss it. There is a chicken nugget sized hole in my heart.
2. No lawn mower. Yes, I don’t own a lawn mower and this is very sad to me. Mostly because it means I have no lawn to mow; and that kills me! I need a yard!!
3. Living in a gray soup bowl. Very little, extremely sporadic sun. Always rainy, more often than not low cloud cover and a very chilly breeze from the sea! Boo on British weather. It has affected me more than I thought.
4. Baseball. It is a bit of a trade off, rugby instead of baseball. But I still miss it. Come on Rangers!!
5. Mexican Food. Ok, so we have loads of Indian food that is largely absent in America…but every now and then I need my chips, salsa, taco and burrito fix. Where is Taco Bueno when you need it!?
6. The time difference. Sometimes I want to pick up the phone and actually talk to people instead of their answering machine because I am off work and its still smack in the middle of their day!
7. The pace of life. It’s all too fast. People get nasty. You know those stories you hear about people being smushed to death in a crowd, or someone falls and people just stomp on them to get through-sometimes that is the tube…or any busy street in London rush hour. Watch out, they will kill you!
8. The weather. Yes, its that bad it gets mentioned twice!
9. No Wal-mart. There are days when you really want to have a huge store, open 24 hours, where you know all the products and get everything you need all in one place! (Tesco and Asda are NOT the same people!)
10.The people. Ok so that is broad, because I do love my
friends here. But overall people are so bizarrely reserved
compared to middle-southern American that its hard to get
used to. No random conversations with strangers, no
overly friendly people, and no hello’s or smiles while
walking past someone…its much too ‘cold’ for me.

18 August 2008

better together....

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song I could sing But I can try for your heart.
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving.
And love is the answer,
at least for most of the questions in my heart;
Like why are we here? and where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy
and sometimes life can be deceiving.
I'll tell you one thing,
its always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might
find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they'll be gone
when the morning light sings,
and brings new things;
For tomorrow night you see that they'll be gone too.
Too many things I have to do,
but if all of these dreams
might find their way into my day to day scene,
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two- Just me and you,
not so many things we got to do,
or places we got to be; W
e'll Sit beneath the mango tree now.

I believe in memories,
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me.
But there is not enough time,
and there is no song I could sing
and there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing...
We're Better together.

One year married....best year of my life! We really are so much better together!

11 August 2008

Metallica, Led Zepplin and Jesus

"All truth is God's truth" That sentence has been implanted in my memory for the past eight years. I went to university at John Brown in Siloam Springs, Arkansas and part of the curriculum my first year was a class called Introduction to Higher Education' The class didn't really discuss anything relating to higher education, it was more of a short summary of JBU, its history, founders, and the courses offered. However, a small part of the class was how a Christian based education could parallel with secular learning. All the classes had to read this one book. The name escapes me at the moment, but the opening sentence was 'All truth is God's truth'. I don't know about everyone else's class, but mine had a field day with that sentence. The newly minted 18 years olds took that sentence to the farthest extreme possible. Perhaps that is why it has stuck in my head all these years. Or perhaps it has stayed around because it is true....ALL truth IS God's truth. And it is that very sentence that has caused my heart to explore what it means to be a light unto a dark world.

I really enjoy rock music, and I go from one extreme to another. I love those 'classic rock' bands like Guns and Roses and Led Zeppelin. I particularly like the cheesy 80's/90's big hair bands like Poison and the heavier music of the era in bands like Black Sabbath. Metallica is one of my favourite bands of all times, right along side AC/DC. For a more modern feel, Rage Against the Machine and Offspring make the list. Yet none of the afore mentioned bands class as the traditional kind of music that a good Christian should listen to. As I love Jesus and try to follow what the Bible says, how do I reconcile my love of rock music with my love of Jesus? With the simple phrase 'All truth is God's truth'

In Matthew 28, the Great Commission is delivered "Therefore go and make disciples of all the nations..." The thing about that command is that Jesus doesn't say how. He didn't say "go to all the churches and get the really holy people to come and follow me" He said to go unto all the nations, everyone, everywhere. Jesus was never one to make a statement he wasn't willing to abide by; He went unto all the nations, calling the people and making disciples wherever he went. He ate dinner with the tax collectors, he helped a Samaritan woman at the well, he worked, he toiled, he walked and he met people where they were; poor, dying, hungry, rich, king, servant intelligent or dumb. He spoke to people on their level in ways they could understand. Jesus used parables to get the massage across to people that had long ago closed their hearts and minds to Jesus. So why should we be any different today? Why should we limit ourselves to purely Christian' words, music and books to reach a world that is so far away from that ideology and wording that the message often just falls upon deaf ears?

I say all of this, in conjunction with rock music, because there is so much truth in music. Especially rock. For years the louder and heavier the music, the more rebellious and off culture it was. It was a badge of courage so to speak to break the mould and shock people. As a result, Christians tended to make the snap judgment that the music must be evil and therefore not appropriate. Often times these judgments were made without grasping the full potential these songs and their lyrics had. In no way can I claim to know what James Hetfield, Robert Plant or Roger Waters had in mind when they wrote, but I can look at their lyrics and see truth. And as all truth is God's truth, if a song can speak to someone then far be it from me to turn my back on that method of ministry.

"There's a feeling I get when I look to the west, and my spirit is crying for leaving. In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees, and the voices of those who stand looking....and it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune, then the piper will lead us to reason." Those famous lines of Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin can easily be interpreted a number of ways. I choose to take the Biblical truth from the song. For example, the Bible talks about longing for Heaven as we were made not for this earth, but for eternal life with Christ Jesus. (see 2 Corn 5:1-8, Matt 6:19) I look at the lines "there's a feeling I get when I look to the west and my spirit is longing for leaving" to be a longing of the soul for something more, a longing to be close to the creator God. And what about "and its whispered that soon if we all call the tune, then the piper will lead us to reason" The Bible is clear that the only way to the Father is through Him, all we need to do is call. Romans 10:13 is a perfect example "for whosoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved." Still another example is the commonly quoted verse "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me" (John 14:6) But lets consider the verse that precedes it, "We don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" (John 14:5) In essence, we are confused, we need clarity and reason. Jesus responds to our questions by saying that He is the way and He will show us. Again, "the piper will lead us to reason"; Jesus will guide us every step of the way to the truth, to reason, to Him, we need only ask.

But my favourite lines of the classic Led Zeppelin song are: "Your head is humming and it won't go in case you don't know, the pipers calling you to join him. Dear lady can you hear the wind blow and did you know, your stairway lies on the whispering wind" Not only are those lines extremely poetic, but so full of Biblical truth it's unbelievable. We often get confused and feel lost. It can feel like our heads are spinning with so much information: school, work, books, music, religion, TV etc... But the 'still small voice of the Lord' is crying out to us, (the piper if you will) longing to be heard. This society in which we live can be very confusing. So much comes to us loudly, colourfully and with robust zeal that we expect God to show himself in that same way. And he does...sometimes. But sometimes, as 1 Kings 19:9-13 shows us, He comes in the gentle whisper. In the interest of space, I will paraphrase the verse; Elijah and God are having a chat. Elijah is lamenting the fact that he has been faithful for his whole life and now it seems that everyone is trying to kill Him. He wants to see the Glory of God. So God says to him "Go and stand on the mountain for the Lord is about to pass by. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave" For the Lord was in the gentle whisper. Elijah knew the whisper was the Lord, "dear lady can you hear the wind blow, and did you know your stairway lies on the whispering wind" Sometimes the answers, and the truth, come in the smallest of voices.

I know it seems a bit far fetched, and in no way am I claiming that Stairway to Heaven is a Christian song. I do think that the intentions of Robert Plant, Jimmy Page and crew were to write a world famous worship song. But what I am saying is that there is truth in the lyrics, there is Biblical imagery and enough of it to start a conversation with a Led Zeppelin fan. Isn't that what we are supposed to do? Be lights in the darkness? What better way than to meet someone right where they are; a die hard music fan comes across your path and you come to them with a new and Biblically grounded view of an amazing Led Zeppelin song. And the best part is it's not just an isolated incident in one song. There are countless others.

Take another personal favourite, Metallica. I will start with the obvious 'Enter Sandman' A classic example of what to do "say your prayers little one don't forget, my son, to include everyone..." Ok, ok, jokes aside. One of the greatest songs from Metallica is also overflowing with Biblical reference and imagery, Holier than Thou. "The craps rolls out your mouth again haven't changed; your brain is still gelatin. Little whispers circle around your head, why don't you worry about yourself instead" Fantastic. How many references in the Bible are there about treating each other with respect and not judging? "Love your neighbour as yourself" (see Mt 22:39, mark 12:28-31, Luke 10:25-37, Mk 5:43-48) and "You hypocrite! First remove the beam from your own eye, and then you will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:5. The last line of the verse "why don't you worry about yourself instead", well done Metallica, that is a Biblical command. But it gets more obvious than that. The third verse states it even more clearly "Before you judge me take a look at you, cant you find something better to do, point the finger, slow to understand, arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand" Wow! Pardon the over used clich, but if that is not a slap in the face to stagnant, judgmental Christians then I don't know what is! The verse from Proverbs 16:18 "pride cometh before a fall" comes to mind. (see also Prov 8:13 and 13:10) not to mention to countless reference made in the Bible to a haughty attitude, pridefullness, arrogance, foolishness and ignorance!

But it is the verse sandwiched between those two that I find the most intriguing "who are you? where ya been? where ya from? gossip is burning on the tip of your tongue, you lie so much you believe yourself, judge not lest ye be judged." Not only there an actual Bible verse quoted in the last line (Luke 6:37, Judge not lest ye be judged) But the previous lines speak of the very things that Jesus warned his follows of, i.e. Gossip and Lies. "Thus they bring judgment on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips" 1 Tim 5:12-13. Exodus 20 and Romans 1 also talk about too many questions, spreading slander and gossip. The need to even mention verses about lying seems superfluous, as no one would question the fault in that. This song offers an excellent, sound view on the Godly way to live; who would have thought, all from a Metallica song?!

The song goes on to say "as you look through my window, deep into my room at your future and freedom, the grey and plastics retards all floating in circles, and as you taste the fruits of new sensations, softly brushing your lips, as we rise when we challenge and kill" When we ignore the teaching and truth that the Bible has to offer, we end up trapped, staring from the inside out, looking at a life of freedom and fullness that we are somehow short of. The Bible is truth, a fact which cannot be denied. It is only by following, in faith, the principles laid out so clearly for us in scripture that we can begin to truly embrace the life of freedom that has been specially designed for us. "And the truth shall set you free" John 8:32. The world can be tempting, often times seem more enjoyable "as you taste the fruits of new sensations" How hard is it to try to tell someone not to have sex out of marriage, get drunk, speak however they like and essentially do whatever makes them happy? It's not always the easiest. Yet it is often those very things that seem at the moment to be the most enjoyable that are preparing to "rise up to challenge and kill" (see again John 10:10)

So the point is not that all rock songs are Christian, nor that we should listen to all rock music. For instance, in no way can I condone marilyn manson or slipknot because what they do and say is blatantly against the Bible and Jesus. However, I do think that All truth is God's truth. It doesn't matter how unconventional the origin of truth is, if it is true, then it is God's. End of story. It seems though the further away we get from things that can easily be labeled as Christian, the less likely we are to accept it as truth. As a result, I think that we as Christian's are missing a big ministry. It's hard to start conversations with our non-Christian friends about Jesus. I don't really do it because, well, I feel weird about. But music is such a unifying topic, and as these three examples show, even the most popular and non Christian of bands can be a great way to share the truth of Jesus. I hope I have the courage to not shrink away from truth because it is unconventional. I hope that I have the strength to speak that truth in whatever form it comes and I hope that God can grant me the desire to share His truth with all I come into contact with.