I usually try and stay away from religion and politics in my posts because those are two of the most controversial topics out there. i prefer to stay on an even keel with those of you that read this. the exception of course is if i feel really strongly about something. usually that means something about the military or soldiers and nationalised health care. looking back through my blog, those tend to be the only controversial things i write about. and i feel VERY strongly about both of them. Soldiers should always be respected because they deserve it and nationalised health care sucks.
and today i am faced with yet another truth that i feel just as strongly about.
almost every time i feed my baby i think about my relationship with God. He created us to have free will, to make our own decisions. Yet HE clearly states that He will never leave us nor forsake us (joshua 1:5) so regardless of the fact that we are more than capable to make everyday decisions for ourselves, He is always right beside us, leading and guiding us. All we have to do is ask. and He is always faithful to answer us, pointing us in the right direction.
funny thing is, more often than not I dont ask. I dont seek out Him and His will for my life, I just bumble along in the dark, wondering why things are not working out or going smoothly. and there He is, right in front of me, just waiting for me to ask for His help. See the thing is, since He gave us free will to make our own decisions that is exactly what He lets us do...make our own decisions. so how ever foolish or damaging our decisions may be, God is not going to hit us over the head, telling us we need to be doing something else. but He is always there. looking over us even when we are pursuing the wrong thing, heading in the wrong direction. He has more than enough grace to welcome us back each and every time. He never holds our bad decisions against us. He always forgives, always accepts us back. He is always willing to help us out, no matter how many times we have screwed up before.
so what does this have to do with feeding my baby you ask?
every 3 to 4 hours when Big E wants to eat, she makes the cutest little bird face. she purses her lips, makes a little sucking noise, and starts trying to suck on anything. seriously anything. it ranges form her tiny, little fingers, to an arm, to a shirt, to the burp cloth. anything and everything she sees, she goes for. even though i am right in front of her with what she actually wants, more often than not she ends up getting a mouth full of cloth instead of her much needed nourishment. sometimes she doesnt slow down long enough for me to give it to her. she is too busy trying to find it herself.
just like me.
sometimes i am so busy trying to find the answers myself that i dont actually slow down long enough to realise that God is right there in front of me with exactly what i want and need. and i am eternally grateful that He has enough grace to welcome me back each and every time.
and what brought all this on today? this article from the BBC News Homepage.
In case you dont go to the link and read the story, here is a summary. An 18 year old muslim girl has just graduate from jihad training camp. she is training to be a martyr. whenever she is told, she will strap a bomb to her waist and blow herself up; hoping to take men, woman and children of her opposition with her. suicide bombers are not a new thing. its something we have heard about for years. so why this story? because of the last sentence. All through out her interview she spoke of how this was an honour, to serve her god in such a way. and she concluded the interview with this...
"There are many duties to preform before we are ready to face god. I am trying not to make any mistakes so that i do not miss this opportunity"
and that broke my heart. She is serving a god that not only keeps a record of what she does and doesnt do, but one that also holds her wrongs against her.
one of my favourite verses is found in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "My GRACE is sufficient for you for MY POWER is made perfect in WEAKNESS" What a beautiful example of the power of God. His power is not made perfectly evident when we are super strong and doing everything just right. His power is evidenced the most when we are at our weakest. when we are truly dependent upon Him. and to me that is wonderful. It no longer is about what i can do; how many good deeds i do in a day, how many prayers i say or religious acts i complete. Instead it becomes about God evidenced in me, in helping me when i can not do it on my own any longer. Sure He gives us free will, knowing that sooner or later we will remember that we cant actually do it without Him. and that is where His GRACE and POWER come into play.
i am so thankful that i dont have to live in the fear of making sure that i do enough things; pray enough, fast enough, wear the right clothes, talk to the right people, preform enough of the right tasks...and having the fear that if i dont do enough of those things then i will "miss out on the opportunity" to serve my Lord. To me that is not a faith that offers hope, a religion that has a promise of a better tomorrow, or a God that is trustworthy.
and so even though this post turned out to be incredibly long, and potentially controversial, i feel strongly enough to write about it. so there you go.
7 September 2009
5 September 2009
having a baby is not......
like getting a very, very, tiny flatmate.
sure there are similarities, like her stuff is everywhere and she has taken over the bathroom. but thats about where they end.
but having a baby is amazing in its own right. she has the most precious smile, the biggest blue eyes, the softest baby skin ever, and the sweetest little giggle...but this week she has also acquired a little cough. it is the saddest, most pathetic sound i have ever heard. and it breaks my heart.
the cough also comes with a cold and to prevent it from settling in her lungs, we have medicine. little tiny drops that i have to put in her nose. and that breaks my heart too.
and a baby that doesnt feel well takes up extra time. which is great because i love spending time with my little one, but it means the blog is getting neglected. soon there will be stories and pictures abounding. but for now, the baby beckons
sure there are similarities, like her stuff is everywhere and she has taken over the bathroom. but thats about where they end.
but having a baby is amazing in its own right. she has the most precious smile, the biggest blue eyes, the softest baby skin ever, and the sweetest little giggle...but this week she has also acquired a little cough. it is the saddest, most pathetic sound i have ever heard. and it breaks my heart.
the cough also comes with a cold and to prevent it from settling in her lungs, we have medicine. little tiny drops that i have to put in her nose. and that breaks my heart too.
and a baby that doesnt feel well takes up extra time. which is great because i love spending time with my little one, but it means the blog is getting neglected. soon there will be stories and pictures abounding. but for now, the baby beckons
2 September 2009
is this too much?
i cant decide if this was created for parents like me or if i am a bad parent because i want to buy this for my baby....
24 August 2009
big e's frist trip
big e's first outing was at 3 weeks. my mom and dad were in town and together with rhys all of us packed in the car for the 2 hour drive to Stratford-upon-Avon. The home of Shakespeare. what 3 week old doesnt want to tour around a dead poets house? so off we went. the sun was shining, the weather was perfect, the company was fantastic and baby eleri was, of course, perfect. it was a great day.
but all that day required was a diaper bag.
it didnt matter that we were away from home, even a 2 hour drive away from home. it was just a day trip. and all that we needed to take for the babe was what she would need for the day.
tomorrow we are going to Wales. FOR 6 DAYS. 6 days. ok, not a lifetime, i realise. but this trip requires packing. and i have never packed for a baby before. granted it is not as difficult as say, preforming brain surgery, but its still a task. how many outfits do i bring? what about blankets? and diapers? and what about burp clothes? Plus its not just any trip down to wales, its special. its Rhys' parents anniversary, his sisters birthday and we are having a party for big e with all of rhys' university friends on the Saturday. so yeah, big events. not only do i have to think about what i am going to wear, but what little eleri is going to wear. she's gotta be at her best you know. people to meet and all. wish me luck on the packing. and the trip. here's hoping she stays on her nice 4 hour in the day and 7 hours at night schedule. i love that schedule.
big e is sleeping at the moment. my plan was to use this time to pack and get things situated as we are leaving tomorrow morning after we register her. (see note at bottom, its explains 'registering her') but instead i am blogging about not knowing what to pack and now little baby noises are coming from her room. she is awake. she will want to play now. which means mommy has lost her nice window of time to pack. good idea to blog, eh?
...ok registering the baby. they dont do birth certificates in the hospital over here. NHS cutting costs and all. so you have to make at appointment at the registration office sometime after the birth and go get a birth certificate. so technically eleri doesn't exist. she has no official documentation saying that she was born. nice, eh? tomorrow, over a month after she was born, is her allotted time to be registered. so rhys is going tomorrow. yeah, the baby doesnt even have to be present. you just go and say you had a baby and get a birth certificate. good, and safe, method. gotta love that NHS.
but all that day required was a diaper bag.
it didnt matter that we were away from home, even a 2 hour drive away from home. it was just a day trip. and all that we needed to take for the babe was what she would need for the day.
tomorrow we are going to Wales. FOR 6 DAYS. 6 days. ok, not a lifetime, i realise. but this trip requires packing. and i have never packed for a baby before. granted it is not as difficult as say, preforming brain surgery, but its still a task. how many outfits do i bring? what about blankets? and diapers? and what about burp clothes? Plus its not just any trip down to wales, its special. its Rhys' parents anniversary, his sisters birthday and we are having a party for big e with all of rhys' university friends on the Saturday. so yeah, big events. not only do i have to think about what i am going to wear, but what little eleri is going to wear. she's gotta be at her best you know. people to meet and all. wish me luck on the packing. and the trip. here's hoping she stays on her nice 4 hour in the day and 7 hours at night schedule. i love that schedule.
big e is sleeping at the moment. my plan was to use this time to pack and get things situated as we are leaving tomorrow morning after we register her. (see note at bottom, its explains 'registering her') but instead i am blogging about not knowing what to pack and now little baby noises are coming from her room. she is awake. she will want to play now. which means mommy has lost her nice window of time to pack. good idea to blog, eh?
...ok registering the baby. they dont do birth certificates in the hospital over here. NHS cutting costs and all. so you have to make at appointment at the registration office sometime after the birth and go get a birth certificate. so technically eleri doesn't exist. she has no official documentation saying that she was born. nice, eh? tomorrow, over a month after she was born, is her allotted time to be registered. so rhys is going tomorrow. yeah, the baby doesnt even have to be present. you just go and say you had a baby and get a birth certificate. good, and safe, method. gotta love that NHS.
23 August 2009
one month
my little baby is one month old. well, she was one month old yesterday. I cant believe that four short weeks ago i was in the hospital anxiously awaiting her arrival. On that note, i know that i said the next post would be about labour, but i am getting distracted. That is turning into a long post, so this one is coming first.
so back to my little one....
she is 4 weeks old. i cant believe it. people always say that you don't know what love is until you hold your child for the first time. i disagree. i will never forget the first time i held my little baby, her tiny little fingers gripping my pinkie as tightly as they could; tears poured down my face. but i love little eleri more today than i did that first day. i have grown into being a mom. i have grown in my love and appreciation for my little girl. she is my entire world. i cant even begin to imagine how much more i will love her tomorrow. how could i possibly love her anymore than i do today?! she is just perfect.
and because i think she is perfect, and because i want a record of everything she does/has done, the following is a list of my one month old's stats:
-at 2 weeks, she could hold her head up. yeah, she is crazy strong. perhaps it is because she was so big at birth...but whatever the reason, by 2 weeks she could lift and visibly control her head for quite a bit of time. even the doctor was really shocked when she saw. but what can i say, she is super baby. (as rhys says "rahhh, i am super baby. i will crush all the other babies....")
-little eleri weighed 10.12 at 3.5 weeks. yea. almost 11 pounds. i am willing to bet that she has since gained the few ounces that would put her at or over the 11 pound mark. she has a healthy appetite for sure.
-she has grown 1 inch since birth. not a massive growth, but the little one is now 22 inches long. almost 2 feet!! that puts her in the 90% for height.
-at exactly 15 days old, eleri slept 7 hours at night. since then she has slept between 6 and 7 hours every night. i am not sure if this is normal or not, but i gotta say I LOVE IT. i really like knowing that i am going to get at least a 4 or 5 hour chunk of sleep every night.
-she smiles, and giggles....ok. i know that everyone says baby smiles are unintentional until about 6 or 7 weeks. but they are wrong. my baby smiles are all VERY purposeful. she knows she is smiling at her mommy and daddy. and since i am said mommy, i can think whatever i want. so there. her laughs, giggles, smirks and smiles are all very intentional. and i love seeing her little mouth curve into that little grin. her checks puff out and up and an ever so slight dimple appears on her left side. its precious. one of these days i will capture it on camera.
-at exactly 4 weeks, she cried. not a baby cry, but a real cry. with tears and everything. and it broke my heart. somewhere in the 5 minutes between bath time finishing and her starting to eat, little eleri decided she was NOT happy. and she began to cry. not scream, just the sad, pitiful weak cry where her lower lip quivered and her little hands shook. and then the tears came. her eyes welled up and little baby tears came streaming down her face. and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. i couldn't put her onesie on fast enough and start to feed her. as soon as she ate, she had a giant burp and snuggled into my neck and sighed and went to sleep. but i will never forget those first sad tears. :(
so there it is folks, the happy and sad 'milestones' that my baby has achieved in the first 4 weeks of her life. Naturally there are millions of other things i want to write about, like how perfect her little fingers and toes are, and how she makes the cutest little coo-ing noise when she sleeps and basically how she is just perfect. but i figure those are the major things. and who really wants to read about someone elses baby coo's?
i would love to add a picture, but for some reason my computer is choosing to pretend it cant read my camera. that sucks. so no adorable picture. maybe next time...and maybe next time will be the labour story. stop asking people. it is coming. soon.
so back to my little one....
she is 4 weeks old. i cant believe it. people always say that you don't know what love is until you hold your child for the first time. i disagree. i will never forget the first time i held my little baby, her tiny little fingers gripping my pinkie as tightly as they could; tears poured down my face. but i love little eleri more today than i did that first day. i have grown into being a mom. i have grown in my love and appreciation for my little girl. she is my entire world. i cant even begin to imagine how much more i will love her tomorrow. how could i possibly love her anymore than i do today?! she is just perfect.
and because i think she is perfect, and because i want a record of everything she does/has done, the following is a list of my one month old's stats:
-at 2 weeks, she could hold her head up. yeah, she is crazy strong. perhaps it is because she was so big at birth...but whatever the reason, by 2 weeks she could lift and visibly control her head for quite a bit of time. even the doctor was really shocked when she saw. but what can i say, she is super baby. (as rhys says "rahhh, i am super baby. i will crush all the other babies....")
-little eleri weighed 10.12 at 3.5 weeks. yea. almost 11 pounds. i am willing to bet that she has since gained the few ounces that would put her at or over the 11 pound mark. she has a healthy appetite for sure.
-she has grown 1 inch since birth. not a massive growth, but the little one is now 22 inches long. almost 2 feet!! that puts her in the 90% for height.
-at exactly 15 days old, eleri slept 7 hours at night. since then she has slept between 6 and 7 hours every night. i am not sure if this is normal or not, but i gotta say I LOVE IT. i really like knowing that i am going to get at least a 4 or 5 hour chunk of sleep every night.
-she smiles, and giggles....ok. i know that everyone says baby smiles are unintentional until about 6 or 7 weeks. but they are wrong. my baby smiles are all VERY purposeful. she knows she is smiling at her mommy and daddy. and since i am said mommy, i can think whatever i want. so there. her laughs, giggles, smirks and smiles are all very intentional. and i love seeing her little mouth curve into that little grin. her checks puff out and up and an ever so slight dimple appears on her left side. its precious. one of these days i will capture it on camera.
-at exactly 4 weeks, she cried. not a baby cry, but a real cry. with tears and everything. and it broke my heart. somewhere in the 5 minutes between bath time finishing and her starting to eat, little eleri decided she was NOT happy. and she began to cry. not scream, just the sad, pitiful weak cry where her lower lip quivered and her little hands shook. and then the tears came. her eyes welled up and little baby tears came streaming down her face. and my heart broke into a thousand pieces. i couldn't put her onesie on fast enough and start to feed her. as soon as she ate, she had a giant burp and snuggled into my neck and sighed and went to sleep. but i will never forget those first sad tears. :(
so there it is folks, the happy and sad 'milestones' that my baby has achieved in the first 4 weeks of her life. Naturally there are millions of other things i want to write about, like how perfect her little fingers and toes are, and how she makes the cutest little coo-ing noise when she sleeps and basically how she is just perfect. but i figure those are the major things. and who really wants to read about someone elses baby coo's?
i would love to add a picture, but for some reason my computer is choosing to pretend it cant read my camera. that sucks. so no adorable picture. maybe next time...and maybe next time will be the labour story. stop asking people. it is coming. soon.
11 August 2009
rockin' out
so if this is what you do when you are 37 weeks pregnant....
then this is what happens to your baby...
but if you look closely at her shirt, you will see she is actually learning the alphabet. educational and stylish. i have the best baby ever.
oh, and because i keep getting questions about my labour and the birth pool and such, the next entry will be 'my labour story'. i know. you are all waiting with baited breath.
then this is what happens to your baby...
but if you look closely at her shirt, you will see she is actually learning the alphabet. educational and stylish. i have the best baby ever.
oh, and because i keep getting questions about my labour and the birth pool and such, the next entry will be 'my labour story'. i know. you are all waiting with baited breath.
6 August 2009
"please read this letter that i wrote to you...."
yesterday was a stressful day. my current visa expires in exactly 14 days from today. that means that in 14 short days i will become an illegal immigrant. thats right, Kristina Williams: Criminal. to avoid being blacklisted and kicked out of the country, i am in the process of applying for indefinite leave to remain. Thats fancy British talk for 'Permanent Resident' In order to gain said status in the UK, i not only have to pay 820 pounds and fill out over 20 pages of paperwork, I also have to take a test that proves i can speak english. really. just in case the fact that i was born and raised in America doesnt clear up that question for them, i have to take a test to prove that i have a valid understanding of the english language. and then i have to take another test proving that i have an understanding of history and culture in the UK. I feel that my 2 degrees in European and British history give me a pretty stable footing in that area, but all the same, i have to pay to go and take these tests to be legal to live in this country. Yesterday was my allotted time.
So off we went to take these "life in the UK" tests. Mind you I am still having issues sitting down due to the the stitches, so sitting at a computer for an hour was not my idea of fun. The room was me and about 10 other people who actually could not speak english. nice. several couldn't even understand enough english to sit the test in the first place. needless to say, i was annoyed i was paying money to take a test to prove that i had a working knowledge of a language THAT IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE. well, really my ONLY language. i passed.
with pass certificate in hand, we all headed to the post office to finish the paper work and send it all off with our passports. its always nerve wracking to me to send off my passport. but nevertheless, off it all went. all said, everything took about 5 hours. on top of trying to fit in feeding the baby and getting her to sleep and stay restful. It was a lot to have on my plate in one day. i was starting to stress.
So rhys and i went out to dinner. without the baby. i am not sure if there is an acceptable protocol on the first time new parents should leave their baby with someone else, but in our case it was 12 days. and the person she was left with was grandma. rhys and i needed some time to ourselves. not because we are tired of the baby, because i just cant get enough of her little puffy checks and small strawberry shaped mouth. but we needed a break from 4 people living in less than 400 square feet. Rhys, my mom, the baby and me have all be occupying our tiny flat for the last 3 and half weeks. and yesterday it was time for a little space. my mother very graciously offered to watch the baby, and we quickly accepted. (despite some comments from 'well meaning' friends, leaving a baby with their grandparent at 12 days is fine. Its not like we walked to a back alley way, found a strung out crack addict and said 'please come watch my 12 day old baby' it was her grandma. people, that is fine)
off rhys and i went. of course we went to Fridays because where else do we celebrate all major events?! The evening was warm with just the perfect amount of a light breeze. we drove with the windows down and just talked about life, changes, the baby, the future, and our growing family. Dinner was delicious and relaxed; i love general conversation with my husband. nothing calms my heart as much as peaceful down time with the love of my life. As we walked out of the restaurant, Green Day's 'Time of your life' was playing. As cheese as it sounds, it fit the moment perfectly. We both started to sing along and had just a bit of a pause at the car door. Rhys took me in his arms, gave me the biggest huge..so my feet were just a bit off the ground..and said he loved me. and it was just a little bit of heaven. as we drove home, the wind lightly blowing, Rhys put on the Robert Plant/Allison Krauss CD. nothing fits a cool summer evening quite like the perfect mix of a rock legend and a bluegrass heroine.
as the words "darling everything is going to be alright/ please read this letter that i wrote to you...." filled the car, i looked at my husband and smiled. a little tear welled up in my eye and i thought 'this is perfect' I couldnt wish for a better life. I have a mom who is willing to fly thousands of miles and spends weeks upon weeks taking care of my and my baby. I have a husband who is completely amazing. I have a baby who is perfectly beautiful.
i love my life.
So off we went to take these "life in the UK" tests. Mind you I am still having issues sitting down due to the the stitches, so sitting at a computer for an hour was not my idea of fun. The room was me and about 10 other people who actually could not speak english. nice. several couldn't even understand enough english to sit the test in the first place. needless to say, i was annoyed i was paying money to take a test to prove that i had a working knowledge of a language THAT IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE. well, really my ONLY language. i passed.
with pass certificate in hand, we all headed to the post office to finish the paper work and send it all off with our passports. its always nerve wracking to me to send off my passport. but nevertheless, off it all went. all said, everything took about 5 hours. on top of trying to fit in feeding the baby and getting her to sleep and stay restful. It was a lot to have on my plate in one day. i was starting to stress.
So rhys and i went out to dinner. without the baby. i am not sure if there is an acceptable protocol on the first time new parents should leave their baby with someone else, but in our case it was 12 days. and the person she was left with was grandma. rhys and i needed some time to ourselves. not because we are tired of the baby, because i just cant get enough of her little puffy checks and small strawberry shaped mouth. but we needed a break from 4 people living in less than 400 square feet. Rhys, my mom, the baby and me have all be occupying our tiny flat for the last 3 and half weeks. and yesterday it was time for a little space. my mother very graciously offered to watch the baby, and we quickly accepted. (despite some comments from 'well meaning' friends, leaving a baby with their grandparent at 12 days is fine. Its not like we walked to a back alley way, found a strung out crack addict and said 'please come watch my 12 day old baby' it was her grandma. people, that is fine)
off rhys and i went. of course we went to Fridays because where else do we celebrate all major events?! The evening was warm with just the perfect amount of a light breeze. we drove with the windows down and just talked about life, changes, the baby, the future, and our growing family. Dinner was delicious and relaxed; i love general conversation with my husband. nothing calms my heart as much as peaceful down time with the love of my life. As we walked out of the restaurant, Green Day's 'Time of your life' was playing. As cheese as it sounds, it fit the moment perfectly. We both started to sing along and had just a bit of a pause at the car door. Rhys took me in his arms, gave me the biggest huge..so my feet were just a bit off the ground..and said he loved me. and it was just a little bit of heaven. as we drove home, the wind lightly blowing, Rhys put on the Robert Plant/Allison Krauss CD. nothing fits a cool summer evening quite like the perfect mix of a rock legend and a bluegrass heroine.
as the words "darling everything is going to be alright/ please read this letter that i wrote to you...." filled the car, i looked at my husband and smiled. a little tear welled up in my eye and i thought 'this is perfect' I couldnt wish for a better life. I have a mom who is willing to fly thousands of miles and spends weeks upon weeks taking care of my and my baby. I have a husband who is completely amazing. I have a baby who is perfectly beautiful.
i love my life.
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