my mom is coming tomorrow!!

Thursday marks the day that I am officially 30 weeks pregnant. So here we are, nearly there. granted i could wait a few days and actually write the 30 week post on the day that i am actually 30 weeks but its more fun this way right? Plus Thursday also marks the day that I am going in for another operation to remove what can only be described as a huge chunk of my leg. the doctor actually used the word 'chunk' so clearly that is the appropriate medical term for said procedure. i will be immobile for 2 weeks from Thursday on, plus my mom is coming over to take care of me, so i cant imagine a 30 week post on the actual day. hence today instead.

Lots of thoughts are going through my mind. we still don’t have a baby bed, a dresser or something of the like in which to store baby clothes, bottles, a steriliser, wipes, any baby cleaning and washing products, oh and a stroller. so really a lot left to get ready and only 10 weeks to do it. I am getting really excited about everything though. I cant wait until I get to hold my little baby. I. CANT. WAIT. I am so excited in fact that I impulsively booked a 4D scan for tonight. I always said I wouldn’t give into the hype and pay out loads of cash just to see little pictures in a different dimension. i am now more than happily eating my own words. i am so excited to see the little bean move around. and (how cheesy is this) i get a fridge magnet with a picture on it, in addition to CD's and other pictures of course. yup, i am cool. apparently I am already becoming the embarrassing mom who has loads of awkward pictures up everywhere. There is an option for a DVD as well. you can bring in your own music for the background. Rhys and I are still undecided on this option, although we have discussed possible music choices as 'Sweet Child of Mine' by Guns and Roses, and perhaps 'Back in Black' by AC/DC for the black and white park of the scan. just some thoughts...

some other thoughts are, again, focused on Thursday. man, i thought the first round of stitches was pretty rough. i think this one will be a little worse. and i hesitate to say anything because there are loads of people out there with far worse situations than mine, but all the same, it is happening and i am thinking about it. results came back from the first bit of tissue that they removed and it all came back as cancerous. But because all the cells were infected, they cant be sure if and how much the cancer cells have spread. hence the need for a real operation to actually cut out loads of tissue etc...Plus because i am growing a human inside of my stomach, the doctors are having a hard time feeling if my organs are swollen or not. again, reiterating the need for a follow up operation. really i wont know a whole lot until Thursday...so until then i am making jokes about. rhys does not really find these humorous, but gotta do something to stay positive right? But really, i don’t want to dwell on the possibility that something could actually be wrong because that would give that idea real validity. and that is not necessary. clearly everything will be fine. me and, most importantly, my little baby will be fine. because i think i would curl up and die if something happened to the little bean.

I am also thinking that this weekend we had beautiful weather, and yesterday was gorgeous. but the rest of the week is suppose to be rainy and crap. just like today’s weather. rainy and crap. i am so not looking forward to that. just when i think we have finally stepped over the ledge and are falling into beautiful spring/summer time, the weather decides to jump right back into rainy winter. boo.

I was reading on a dear friends blog about her seasons in Russia. She described how excited she was when spring first started to appear after so many months of winter darkness. I truly understand that. its hard living in a place that gets dark at 345 in the afternoon during the long and dreadful winter season. and it is even more glorious when the spring first glow starts to creep in, with the light lingering until 9 or later. often until well after 10 in the heat of the summer. but, alas...i think i still have a bit more left of the cold and rainy before the warm and sunny.

and one final thought... i hate traffic. Whilst i could try and paint a picture with words of the hideousness that is traffic on the M25, i will instead add some pictures.

This was my drive home yesterday. it was not fun. it took HOURS!! literally. hours.

but it wasnt just my side...this is the other side of the road, as we both just sat and sat and sat. not moving. at all.

these are the motor way signs. the flashing lights below the fixed signs are lit up when traffic is heavy and a new speed limit is in place. normally its 70. As the flashing sign illuminates, the limit has been dropped to 50 due to congestion. I sat under this sign for 37 minutes. in this exact spot, not moving an inch, for 37 minutes. i timed it. so what the sign really should flash is a big fat 0. because when you see the sign start to flash, you know that realistically, you wont be going any where...at any speed...for quite a while. gotta love the M25.