At some point in the near future I will finish the last two days of my Rome posts. But I am not in the mood to really write a historical post nor take the time to upload lots of pictures. I have a lot on my mind (as usual) and am packing for a night away in London with my baby mamas. I know I just had a holiday, but hey its never too soon for another one eh?
With only 9 weeks left in the UK, I am trying to cram as much in as possible. And if I am honest, with Peppa Pig's World, friends to visit, 6 nations games, one last IKEA trip, shipping our stuff out, seeing family and maybe a last minute trip to Barcelona- this will most likely be my last trip to London before I move.
Which brings me to the topic of today's post. Dreams.
Not the kind of dreams you have when you go to sleep, more like daydreams. The dreams where life is imagined in glorious and exciting ways. The dreams where anything and everything is possible, and more often than not, everything you could ever wish for comes true. I have been thinking a lot about these kind of dreams.
The university where I did my undergraduate work was a great place. No place is without its faults, but over all it was a fantastic place of education as well as personal and religious growth. At said university there was quite a bit of emphasis placed upon emotions/relationships. Not just boy/girl. ALL types of relationships- Jesus, friends, roommates, parents, yourself etc.... I can not even being to count the number of personality tests I had to take in my classes or the number of surveys I did on relationships and what should be expected/accepted. I say all of that to make this point. Largely due to the culture of my university, I made a list my first year of all the things I wanted to achieve in my life. Yes, my entire life was mapped out when I was 18.
I know I have mentioned the list before, but as a recap everything that was on my list has been accomplished. yes, everything. travel-check. travel alone-check. marry an international-check. make sure said international husband has a British accent-check. get a graduate degree-check. live overseas-check. have a child-check. and then the list kind of stops. I am not sure if I never really believed those things would happen. I mean, marrying a British guy and living in another country does sound like a pretty crazy thing when you are 18 and in school in Arkansas.
However, since 2004 I have literally been living my dream. Back and forth across the globe so many times I needed extra pages put in my passport; making a home in a foreign land; starting a family; having an incredible husband. My dreams have come true.
Apparently I forgot to keep on dreaming.
I think that is one of the reasons this move is so hard for me. I have achieved things I never really thought possible. And now that it is time to move on, I am afraid because I am not sure what I am moving on to- or that it is what I really want. After all, my dreams seem to stop after the international man and move. Sure I have made new lists. But the new lists are more practical, things that are actually necessary like supporting my daughter and making sure there is a roof over our heads. No crazy 'live in New Zealand, own a hostel but still find time to run with the bulls in Pamplona every year' kind of dreams.
It is time to dream big again. Just because I am married and have a kid, doesn't mean that I still can't come up with off the wall, seemingly impossible dreams. After all, my dreams came true before so why can't they again? I feel newly inspired today to really think about what kind of future I want for my family and my children and the dream big around that. I know myself well enough to know that I dont always fit perfectly into the conventional way of life. So its time to really embrace that and make some new dreams.