second post of the day.....i really should have kept more on top of this reverb-ing. but even though today is the last day of 2010, i will continue the reverb posts until i have finished all of them....
Defining Moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.
in late march of 2010 rhys and i made the decision to move to America. that one decision set in motion a series of events over the past 9 months that have changed the way i view life, marriage, motherhood, myself and family. aside from the life changing decision of saying yes when rhys proposed, i do not think that there has been any other choice, or event, that has changed my life as much as that decision in late march.
i am not opposed to sharing all the gory details of the 'series of events' that decision has created. i am more than willing to discuss the ups and downs of trying to immigrate overseas. (yes, i said immigrate. yes, i realise i am an america so technically i cant immigrate to the states...yadda yadda yadda.) but to dive into all the details would require hours and hours of writing and lets be honest, who is actually going to read pages and pages of intimate details about my life?
so i will leave it at this- a list. because i love lists and they are easy to read.
the decision in late march 2010 to move to america had the following repercussions:
-leaving the only place i have ever been a wife
-leaving the only place i have ever been a mother
-leaving the place of my daughters birth
-leaving behind the most amazing community i have ever been a part of
-walking into the unknown in terms of friends, jobs, living arrangements and well, basically everything
-having to balance green living with life in middle america (basing this on what it was like when i lived there 4 years ago)
-losing the benefits of a mildly socialist government. things like mandatory year paid maternity leave, mandatory 5 weeks holiday a year. mandatory bank holidays where everyone is off. government benefits and payouts for having a baby, being healthy, etc... i could go on and on.
-leaving baby mamas
-losing my independence in more ways than one
-leaving london
-moving to wales
-living with the in-laws
-parenting in 'interesting' circumstances
-living completely out of my control- by others rules.
-created fear of how to live life in my home country
-fear of what it will be like to mother, be a wife etc...
-created stronger faith than i even knew possible
-created a sense of family that is unbreakable
i could go on, but the premise is that since deciding to move to america, our life has been a whirlwind of one life changing moment after another. some have been wonderful. some have been difficult, but necessary and some i could do without. but regardless, no single thing, 2010 or otherwise, has been more defining than the decision to move to america.
and here we are 9 months later and still waiting to go....
31 December 2010
a home of my very own!
Achieve What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.
my OWN space.
can that be a thing? can i want to achieve that? i have put off reverb-ing for a while now in the hope of coming up with something else, anything else, that i want to achieve in 2011. I can think of other things- ultra marathon fitness, quilt making abilities, painting skills, etc... but nothing can even come close to competing with the desire, nay necessity, of my own space.
ideally that would mean owning a house when we move. i am a bit skeptical on that because the cards seemed pretty stacked against us. as of now we have no jobs (in the states) no bank accounts, no credit history- good or bad-no furniture, no household goods, and on top of that we have the added expense of moving a family overseas. we do have a good deposit, but will that be enough? not sure. but even if we can not buy a house straight away, my own space could mean rented accommodation that consists of just me, rhys and eleri. i loved living with leah for 5 months. i liked sharing our friends houses for a month when we were leaving london and it was good (and tough) living with the in-laws for a grand total of 9.5 months. but i am done. done with sharing bathrooms and kitchens. done with sharing the tele and the refrigerator. i am done with sharing a home. done. (and just in case the point was not made clearly enough- i am done. done. done. done!!) i want my own space.
i try to not let myself think about how awesome it will be to live just as a family of 3. i am afraid if i dwell too long on it that i will end up even more frustrated with our current situation. dont get me wrong, we are truly blessed to live in a wonderful home, with kind and caring in-laws. but it is not our home. and i have reached the stage in my life when i no longer want to live with parents. i am a parent myself. and i want my own home.
i have even started collecting pictures for my future home. pictures of kitchens, living rooms, furniture....all kinds of things that i want to incorporate into my own house. realistically i am sure it will be a while before i can have a kitchen that looks like this
and my living room wont look quite like this when i first move to america
but i am ready for my own space whatever it looks like. in fact, i am desperately longing for my flat in london. (ok so that is not entirely true. 380 sq feet was a bit too tiny for a family of 3) but the fact that it was ours, just the 3 of us, was glorious. and that is what i am aspiring to for 2011. my own space.
what feelings will my own space give me? peace and freedom. my own space will be peaceful. not say that there will never be an argument in the house. or that everything will always be 100% smooth sailing. but my home will be governed by my rules (or lack there of) there will a sense of openness -freedom- to be who i want to be, to live how i want to live, to mother how i want to mother...without questions, comments, or concerns. my own space will give me independence. to me that feeling is priceless. i am sure i could write a long list of adjectives describing how my own house would make me feel, but i will leave it at that. peace, freedom and independence.
the second half of the reverb prompt asks what 10 things i can do/think that will enable me to have the feelings described above. hmmm....i could take and pass my british drivers test which would provide me with the freedom to leave the house whenever i choose. but other than that, i am not sure. i dont think that given our circumstances, i can make myself free peace and freedom with 10 thoughts or actions. that is ok for the moment because there are many positives about our current situation. and i have learned a lot through a dependent lifestyle. but ah, the day when i have my own house..... stroll on 2011!
my OWN space.
can that be a thing? can i want to achieve that? i have put off reverb-ing for a while now in the hope of coming up with something else, anything else, that i want to achieve in 2011. I can think of other things- ultra marathon fitness, quilt making abilities, painting skills, etc... but nothing can even come close to competing with the desire, nay necessity, of my own space.
ideally that would mean owning a house when we move. i am a bit skeptical on that because the cards seemed pretty stacked against us. as of now we have no jobs (in the states) no bank accounts, no credit history- good or bad-no furniture, no household goods, and on top of that we have the added expense of moving a family overseas. we do have a good deposit, but will that be enough? not sure. but even if we can not buy a house straight away, my own space could mean rented accommodation that consists of just me, rhys and eleri. i loved living with leah for 5 months. i liked sharing our friends houses for a month when we were leaving london and it was good (and tough) living with the in-laws for a grand total of 9.5 months. but i am done. done with sharing bathrooms and kitchens. done with sharing the tele and the refrigerator. i am done with sharing a home. done. (and just in case the point was not made clearly enough- i am done. done. done. done!!) i want my own space.
i try to not let myself think about how awesome it will be to live just as a family of 3. i am afraid if i dwell too long on it that i will end up even more frustrated with our current situation. dont get me wrong, we are truly blessed to live in a wonderful home, with kind and caring in-laws. but it is not our home. and i have reached the stage in my life when i no longer want to live with parents. i am a parent myself. and i want my own home.
i have even started collecting pictures for my future home. pictures of kitchens, living rooms, furniture....all kinds of things that i want to incorporate into my own house. realistically i am sure it will be a while before i can have a kitchen that looks like this
and my living room wont look quite like this when i first move to america
but i am ready for my own space whatever it looks like. in fact, i am desperately longing for my flat in london. (ok so that is not entirely true. 380 sq feet was a bit too tiny for a family of 3) but the fact that it was ours, just the 3 of us, was glorious. and that is what i am aspiring to for 2011. my own space.
what feelings will my own space give me? peace and freedom. my own space will be peaceful. not say that there will never be an argument in the house. or that everything will always be 100% smooth sailing. but my home will be governed by my rules (or lack there of) there will a sense of openness -freedom- to be who i want to be, to live how i want to live, to mother how i want to mother...without questions, comments, or concerns. my own space will give me independence. to me that feeling is priceless. i am sure i could write a long list of adjectives describing how my own house would make me feel, but i will leave it at that. peace, freedom and independence.
the second half of the reverb prompt asks what 10 things i can do/think that will enable me to have the feelings described above. hmmm....i could take and pass my british drivers test which would provide me with the freedom to leave the house whenever i choose. but other than that, i am not sure. i dont think that given our circumstances, i can make myself free peace and freedom with 10 thoughts or actions. that is ok for the moment because there are many positives about our current situation. and i have learned a lot through a dependent lifestyle. but ah, the day when i have my own house..... stroll on 2011!
29 December 2010
happy moments
Ordinary Joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?
painting with eleri upstairs
going to cassiobury park with eleri
john lewis coffee times
the day we took e to the beach/sea for the first time
walks around the country lanes with rhys and e
the llanfihangel talyllyn fair
reading books with e in the evening
scrubs re-runs with rhys
family movie time
spanish paella
the walk around the pub & church on the bautiful sunny day
splashing at bath time
ball pits at the barn
swinging, with e or just me
writing during nap time
eating dinner together
playing with the martian moon house
the first sunday at ELIM, brecon
if i am honest, it is the little moments that i love the most. the moments that are unplanned and not expected. we have had some amazing big moments this year, i.e paris and birthday parties. but it is the act of daily living that i think provides me with the most joy. and those are my most pleasant memories.
painting with eleri upstairs
going to cassiobury park with eleri
john lewis coffee times
the day we took e to the beach/sea for the first time
walks around the country lanes with rhys and e
the llanfihangel talyllyn fair
reading books with e in the evening
scrubs re-runs with rhys
family movie time
spanish paella
the walk around the pub & church on the bautiful sunny day
splashing at bath time
ball pits at the barn
swinging, with e or just me
writing during nap time
eating dinner together
playing with the martian moon house
the first sunday at ELIM, brecon
if i am honest, it is the little moments that i love the most. the moments that are unplanned and not expected. we have had some amazing big moments this year, i.e paris and birthday parties. but it is the act of daily living that i think provides me with the most joy. and those are my most pleasant memories.
28 December 2010
pizza and a beer
Soul Food. What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?
beer.
ok, ok so beer is not a food necessarily, although Guinness has quite a few calories. but if i look back over the past year, the thing that "went into my mouth and touch my soul" the most was beer.
i only drink beer with friends. i am not really a 'house' drinker. so the times that i have enjoyed the most with my dear friends this year include a pint. party time with the baby mamas. reflex. denmark. hannah's wedding. oli's birthday trip. druids. the coach and horses. 6 nations. autumn internationals. cyprus. paris. all great 'soul touching' times. all had the common element of a pint. i have mentioned before the 'pub culture' that i love about europe and the beer falls into that. my community the past 4 years has met over a pint glass. good memories. i will never forget those times. ever.
i say beer also because i am not much on fancy food. i like food, but i pretty much like any food. my favourite is still chick-fil-a. my favourite in london is either a chip shop by my old flat or our usual chinese take away. see? pretty generic. but if i had to say something other than beer. i would say friday pizza night with rhys. every friday night in london we ordered domino's take away- a large pizza for each of us. we laughed, watched cheesy tv and ate to our hearts content. and believe me, those nights my heart was very content.
beer.
ok, ok so beer is not a food necessarily, although Guinness has quite a few calories. but if i look back over the past year, the thing that "went into my mouth and touch my soul" the most was beer.
i only drink beer with friends. i am not really a 'house' drinker. so the times that i have enjoyed the most with my dear friends this year include a pint. party time with the baby mamas. reflex. denmark. hannah's wedding. oli's birthday trip. druids. the coach and horses. 6 nations. autumn internationals. cyprus. paris. all great 'soul touching' times. all had the common element of a pint. i have mentioned before the 'pub culture' that i love about europe and the beer falls into that. my community the past 4 years has met over a pint glass. good memories. i will never forget those times. ever.
i say beer also because i am not much on fancy food. i like food, but i pretty much like any food. my favourite is still chick-fil-a. my favourite in london is either a chip shop by my old flat or our usual chinese take away. see? pretty generic. but if i had to say something other than beer. i would say friday pizza night with rhys. every friday night in london we ordered domino's take away- a large pizza for each of us. we laughed, watched cheesy tv and ate to our hearts content. and believe me, those nights my heart was very content.
27 December 2010
daily moments
and now onto the third post for the day.....
Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
this year was the most difficult year i have had. it has been challenging for my marriage, for me as a mother, and for me as an individual. i wish that i could share one specific moment where i suddenly realised "hey, its not that bad. everything will be ok after all." but there is none. i know that everything will be ok. i do. but there is not a single moment that offers me that reassurance.
daily i have to remind myself that God is in control. that He has a plan even if i dont understand the smallest little bit of it. it is not me, but Him. i have to read scripture. i have to pray. i have to pray with rhys. i have to laugh and run around in circles with my daughter. i have to cuddle her. splash water together with her in the bath. smile and laugh with rhys. cry with rhys. everyday i have to have little reminders that yes, this situation sucks. yes there are difficult family situations and personal trials. but it is ok. there is a bigger plan.
more than anything 2010 has taught me dependence. dependence upon the Lord. dependence upon my husband and dependence upon family. nearly every aspect of my independent life has been taken away from my this year, even right down to physical independence with the leg injury that prevented my from getting in the shower on my own. and through my complete loss of independence, i have gained a greater understanding of what it means to live for Christ and to live for others.
i know that everything will be ok. but i only know that because i have daily reminders. perhaps 2011 will provide more stability and more peace. a better understanding that things are ok without the necessity being constantly reminded. but in 2010 i most definitely needed the steady flow of "it will be ok. it will be ok. it will be ok....."
Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?
this year was the most difficult year i have had. it has been challenging for my marriage, for me as a mother, and for me as an individual. i wish that i could share one specific moment where i suddenly realised "hey, its not that bad. everything will be ok after all." but there is none. i know that everything will be ok. i do. but there is not a single moment that offers me that reassurance.
daily i have to remind myself that God is in control. that He has a plan even if i dont understand the smallest little bit of it. it is not me, but Him. i have to read scripture. i have to pray. i have to pray with rhys. i have to laugh and run around in circles with my daughter. i have to cuddle her. splash water together with her in the bath. smile and laugh with rhys. cry with rhys. everyday i have to have little reminders that yes, this situation sucks. yes there are difficult family situations and personal trials. but it is ok. there is a bigger plan.
more than anything 2010 has taught me dependence. dependence upon the Lord. dependence upon my husband and dependence upon family. nearly every aspect of my independent life has been taken away from my this year, even right down to physical independence with the leg injury that prevented my from getting in the shower on my own. and through my complete loss of independence, i have gained a greater understanding of what it means to live for Christ and to live for others.
i know that everything will be ok. but i only know that because i have daily reminders. perhaps 2011 will provide more stability and more peace. a better understanding that things are ok without the necessity being constantly reminded. but in 2010 i most definitely needed the steady flow of "it will be ok. it will be ok. it will be ok....."
different parts of me.
Photo – a present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you
i have spent quite a while looking through my pictures. i am not sure that i can pick just one. thinking about it, there have been quite a few posts where i have listed several things when the prompt specifically asked for one. perhaps that shows that i like options. or maybe it just shows that i am 'wordy'. my thesis advisor in graduate school always told me to be "weary of superfluous words in any text, especially one of an academic nature" granted my blog would not fall into the realm of academia, but i suppose i should take note of the principle. dont overdo it.
alas, i think i must overdo it and include a few pictures instead of just one.
there is the above picture which shows a very large part of who i am and who i hope to continue to be. i love to run. i love athletics. i love to challenge myself in all areas, especially sports. heck i even tried rugby but that was definitely not for me! this is a picture of rhys and i on the first leg of the 3 in 3 days. we were soaking wet and in mud up to our ankles. this particular shot finds us 15 miles in. i have a giant rats nest in my hair which took about 3 hours to get out. and some nice mascara smudges. but this picture also shows, albeit not to the naked eye, a sense of determination, empowerment and even security. rhys and i were together. doing some we love as individuals and as a couple. more over, i discovered a new love. ultra distance running. it is something i am wholeheartedly embracing for my future. an incredible new part of me.
or there is this picture. the two most important people in my life. i am what i am because of them. i cant imagine my life without rhys by my side. everything about him. his sense of humor, his playfulness, his compassion, his energy. he is incredible. and he is an incredible father. even more, i cant imagine one day without eleri. she fills my heart with so much joy. i love the two of them together. and seeing them together really completes me.
this picture is also an option. it is me in paris. i remember exactly what i was thinking in this picture. we had just arrived in paris for our anniversary trip. rhys had gone off to reception for something and i sat down by the window. i was so pleased to be away with just rhys. but my heart was truly at peace for first time in a while. i remember being overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity i had to live in europe. to travel to freely. to explore, to discover, to adventure. those are such big parts of who i am. i hate staying still, in one place, for too long. the proximity of european countries enables me the freedom to travel about at the drop of a hat. love it. plus the culture, the lifestyle. the decoration, the style. i remember thinking, "i will never be the same again- awesome."
but this picture encapsulates them all. rhys, eleri and me. in cyprus. travelling as a family to interesting and exotic places. walking in the same places as biblical hero's. learning about jesus, discovering deeper and fuller aspects of the christian life. rhys in a VERY british sleeveless shirt (vest top as they are called) and a baseball hat demonstrates that i have an obviously british husband who likes his american flare. and i love that about my husband. we are all 'sun-kissed' which is something i would like to be year around (although probably not ever a possibility)and we are having quality family time. include the ultra marathon running, and this is who i want to be, what i want to do. grow and adventure with my family.
i have spent quite a while looking through my pictures. i am not sure that i can pick just one. thinking about it, there have been quite a few posts where i have listed several things when the prompt specifically asked for one. perhaps that shows that i like options. or maybe it just shows that i am 'wordy'. my thesis advisor in graduate school always told me to be "weary of superfluous words in any text, especially one of an academic nature" granted my blog would not fall into the realm of academia, but i suppose i should take note of the principle. dont overdo it.
alas, i think i must overdo it and include a few pictures instead of just one.
there is the above picture which shows a very large part of who i am and who i hope to continue to be. i love to run. i love athletics. i love to challenge myself in all areas, especially sports. heck i even tried rugby but that was definitely not for me! this is a picture of rhys and i on the first leg of the 3 in 3 days. we were soaking wet and in mud up to our ankles. this particular shot finds us 15 miles in. i have a giant rats nest in my hair which took about 3 hours to get out. and some nice mascara smudges. but this picture also shows, albeit not to the naked eye, a sense of determination, empowerment and even security. rhys and i were together. doing some we love as individuals and as a couple. more over, i discovered a new love. ultra distance running. it is something i am wholeheartedly embracing for my future. an incredible new part of me.
or there is this picture. the two most important people in my life. i am what i am because of them. i cant imagine my life without rhys by my side. everything about him. his sense of humor, his playfulness, his compassion, his energy. he is incredible. and he is an incredible father. even more, i cant imagine one day without eleri. she fills my heart with so much joy. i love the two of them together. and seeing them together really completes me.
this picture is also an option. it is me in paris. i remember exactly what i was thinking in this picture. we had just arrived in paris for our anniversary trip. rhys had gone off to reception for something and i sat down by the window. i was so pleased to be away with just rhys. but my heart was truly at peace for first time in a while. i remember being overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity i had to live in europe. to travel to freely. to explore, to discover, to adventure. those are such big parts of who i am. i hate staying still, in one place, for too long. the proximity of european countries enables me the freedom to travel about at the drop of a hat. love it. plus the culture, the lifestyle. the decoration, the style. i remember thinking, "i will never be the same again- awesome."
but this picture encapsulates them all. rhys, eleri and me. in cyprus. travelling as a family to interesting and exotic places. walking in the same places as biblical hero's. learning about jesus, discovering deeper and fuller aspects of the christian life. rhys in a VERY british sleeveless shirt (vest top as they are called) and a baseball hat demonstrates that i have an obviously british husband who likes his american flare. and i love that about my husband. we are all 'sun-kissed' which is something i would like to be year around (although probably not ever a possibility)and we are having quality family time. include the ultra marathon running, and this is who i want to be, what i want to do. grow and adventure with my family.
hi, my name is....
New Name. Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why?
i used to hate my name. when i was younger i would tell people my name was ryan which is actually my brothers name, but i thought it was cooler than my own. for a while i liked morgan. and then i just introduced myself as kris. which was ok because it is a shortened version of my name. in high school no one called me kristina, it was always farabough. and then i started to like my name. or at least my last name. in college it was the same. everyone called me farabough. some shortened it to 'bo' and that i loved. but to be honest, i have never been a big fan of my name.
however, gradually it began to grow on me. kristina wasn't that bad. and ann was a family name. it gave me a strong sense of connection. the older i got, the more attached i got to my name. Kristina means Christian and Ann means Gracious. my mom always used to tell me that i was her littler gracious christian. now that i am older, i love that. the character quality of graciousness is one that i take very seriously. i strive to live graciously; accepting of others, showing mercy and providing forgiveness. the 'christian' aspect of my name takes form as i try more and more to put Christ at the center of all i do. I call myself a christian, in more than just my name, and my actions should thereby follow. names take on new significance when the meaning is focused upon.
then i got married and lost the farabough. i was excited to take williams. easier to pronouce, easier to spell. plus it meant that i was forever connected to my husband in a special way. my name became even more important when i began to pick out one for my little girl. whatever name she was given would be spoken over her everyday. just as my parents continually called me a gracious christian, so i should pick a suitable, powerful and meaningful name for my little one. eleri means sufficient or enough and again ann means gracious. the verse "my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness" is eleri's verse. she is just enough. just perfectly sufficient. God made her just the way He wanted and that is enough. and she is just enough for us as she is. perfection.
i say all that about eleri because choosing her name brought mine to even more significance. she shares my middle name. the same as her grandmother, great grandmother, great, great grandmother and so on. she has the williams last name. my new last name. our family name. i am mrs rhys williams. she is eleri ann williams. i love my family. i love my family name. and though it has not always been the case, i would not introduce myself by any other name. no more ryan's or morgan's or ava's. i am kristina ann williams. nice to meet you!
i used to hate my name. when i was younger i would tell people my name was ryan which is actually my brothers name, but i thought it was cooler than my own. for a while i liked morgan. and then i just introduced myself as kris. which was ok because it is a shortened version of my name. in high school no one called me kristina, it was always farabough. and then i started to like my name. or at least my last name. in college it was the same. everyone called me farabough. some shortened it to 'bo' and that i loved. but to be honest, i have never been a big fan of my name.
however, gradually it began to grow on me. kristina wasn't that bad. and ann was a family name. it gave me a strong sense of connection. the older i got, the more attached i got to my name. Kristina means Christian and Ann means Gracious. my mom always used to tell me that i was her littler gracious christian. now that i am older, i love that. the character quality of graciousness is one that i take very seriously. i strive to live graciously; accepting of others, showing mercy and providing forgiveness. the 'christian' aspect of my name takes form as i try more and more to put Christ at the center of all i do. I call myself a christian, in more than just my name, and my actions should thereby follow. names take on new significance when the meaning is focused upon.
then i got married and lost the farabough. i was excited to take williams. easier to pronouce, easier to spell. plus it meant that i was forever connected to my husband in a special way. my name became even more important when i began to pick out one for my little girl. whatever name she was given would be spoken over her everyday. just as my parents continually called me a gracious christian, so i should pick a suitable, powerful and meaningful name for my little one. eleri means sufficient or enough and again ann means gracious. the verse "my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness" is eleri's verse. she is just enough. just perfectly sufficient. God made her just the way He wanted and that is enough. and she is just enough for us as she is. perfection.
i say all that about eleri because choosing her name brought mine to even more significance. she shares my middle name. the same as her grandmother, great grandmother, great, great grandmother and so on. she has the williams last name. my new last name. our family name. i am mrs rhys williams. she is eleri ann williams. i love my family. i love my family name. and though it has not always been the case, i would not introduce myself by any other name. no more ryan's or morgan's or ava's. i am kristina ann williams. nice to meet you!
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