27 December 2010

daily moments

and now onto the third post for the day.....

Everything’s OK. What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

this year was the most difficult year i have had. it has been challenging for my marriage, for me as a mother, and for me as an individual. i wish that i could share one specific moment where i suddenly realised "hey, its not that bad. everything will be ok after all." but there is none. i know that everything will be ok. i do. but there is not a single moment that offers me that reassurance.

daily i have to remind myself that God is in control. that He has a plan even if i dont understand the smallest little bit of it. it is not me, but Him. i have to read scripture. i have to pray. i have to pray with rhys. i have to laugh and run around in circles with my daughter. i have to cuddle her. splash water together with her in the bath. smile and laugh with rhys. cry with rhys. everyday i have to have little reminders that yes, this situation sucks. yes there are difficult family situations and personal trials. but it is ok. there is a bigger plan.

more than anything 2010 has taught me dependence. dependence upon the Lord. dependence upon my husband and dependence upon family. nearly every aspect of my independent life has been taken away from my this year, even right down to physical independence with the leg injury that prevented my from getting in the shower on my own. and through my complete loss of independence, i have gained a greater understanding of what it means to live for Christ and to live for others.

i know that everything will be ok. but i only know that because i have daily reminders. perhaps 2011 will provide more stability and more peace. a better understanding that things are ok without the necessity being constantly reminded. but in 2010 i most definitely needed the steady flow of "it will be ok. it will be ok. it will be ok....."

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