2 December 2010
a month of verbal processing
i am fully aware that i have posted this picture before, but it is just so cute that i couldnt resist posting it again. look at that face. percious.
I am following in the footsteps of my friend sarah and participating in reverb 10. the basic principle of reverb 10 is a daily question and/or thought for each day of december. it is a way of processing 2010. this concept fits me perfectly as i love lists, questions and following a daily 'to do' list. having a new question everyday allows me to reflect, answer and then check it off. perfect.
i am a day late starting which actually works out quite well. the site is american and updated on the US time frame. i blog in the morning during eleri's nap which is about 3 or 4am US time. they have yet to post for dec 2. its like it was designed for me. so here is the reverb 10, december 1.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
i had to think about 30 seconds for that. this entire year i have felt like i have been waiting. sometimes waiting to the point that i feel like my entire life is on hold. complete with annoying elevator music as i wait, and wait, and then wait some more. i have been waiting on different things through out the year- waiting for job decisions, waiting for a plan for moving to be worked out, waiting on the british government, waiting on the american government, waiting on shipping companies, waiting on leasing agencies, waiting on paperwork from more sources than i can count, waiting to know which country i will live in, and have my next child in, waiting to see when said next child can come to exisit, and somewhere amongst all the other waiting, i have been waiting (mostly half heartedly) on the Lord and his timing.
it has been a difficult and yet wonderful year. i have struggled with more and discovered more than any other time in my memory. i have been on incredible adventures full of laughter and joy, but i have felt stagnant, stuck and near hopeless at other times. waiting does that to me. even if i am fully aware of the purpose (i.e. green card, citizenship, proper living accomidation) the longer i wait, the more frustrated i get. and then i re-focus on the truth of the issue and the wait becomes part of the journey. and then i get frustrated again. and so the cycle develops. and i gradually spin around and around between my emtions and the truth until i feel like my head is going to come off.
i am not great at waiting patiently.
and by 'not great' i mean quite possibly the most impatient person on the entire earth, times 8 billion. and then multiplied by another 8 billion.
i like to know what is going to happen. actually, its not even that. i like to have the choice to either know what is going to happen or be spontaneous. this year of waiting has not enabled me to do either. for that matter, to really have a choice in anything. and i really, REALLY like having choices. we have had to wait on someone else for every decision. dont get me wrong, there have been some amazing things about this period of waiting. but there are been negatvies as well. without a doubt, 2010 can be summed up as waiting.
and i hope that 2011 can be a year of fulfillment. what i mean is a year of seeing the fulfilment of all the things waited for. not all the things i want (although i wouldnt complain if that happened), but the things that we have been waiting on. answers to the tough questions and some clear direction for our family. we are faithfully waiting (well, rhys is faithfully waiting. i am waiting impatiently) but we are waiting to see the things promised brought to completion. some of that would invovle actually physical things such as a home our of own. and some of more metaphysical. but regardless, i would love for 2011 to be a year of fulfilment.