i have stared at a blank computer screen for several days now. even my journal remains empty. the words are not coming. i should rephrase that; the words i want to write are not coming. my thoughts are full of negativity and self pity. full of the emotions and words that i dont not want recognise with an entry. here or in the journal.
i feel discouraged. at first i thought i was sad. then angry. then lonely. but what it really comes down to is discouragement. it is like i fell down and instead of helping me up, every person that walks by kicks me instead. i am just discouraged with life, our circumstances, and my injury. i feel trapped.
i dont want to continually focus on the negative. i dont want to repeat destructive and discouraging words over and over so that they become my reality instead of the positive, truth of the situation. but i am having a hard time recognising anything but the pain, hurt and frustration of the day to day living. things could be worse, and they are worse for a lot of people out there. but this is my reality; and the world in which i live my daily life is getting me down.
not depressed. not hopeless. just discouraged.
so instead of an exciting post, i will leave with these things. i have re-done my blog reading list on the side of the page. woo hoo. excitement right?
and even with a grumpy, discouraged wife, my husband is pleasant, upbeat and very encouraging. he is awesome.