Peace

Iit is something I have not truly felt for quite a while. But I have peace now. And it is a glorious feeling.

A few nights ago rhys and i sat down to have a conversation. THE conversation regarding which state we should move to. For a while it was Arkansas without a doubt. But the 'without a doubt' bit was roughly in place around 9 months ago. Now there is lots of doubt. We had opportunities in Boston, Arkansas, Houston, Tulsa, Denver and so. It seemed that the closer it came to moving date (27 April) the more options appeared and the harder the decision became.

As I am a list person, we sat down and made some lists to aide in the decision making process. First we made a list of why we wanted to move to Boston. Then we made a list of why we wanted to move to Arkansas. If I am being honest, the Arkansas list was quite a bit shorter. Then we made lists of why we did not want to move to both the places. After about 45 minutes it seemed like we were going around in circles. so we made one last list.

what do we want the most from life in the next few years?

The top of list? a kitchen where you can not simultaneously touch all the walls. This point was followed closely by a kitchen where you can fit two people in at the same time. And point number three was a bathroom where you could not sit on the toilet, brush your teeth in the sink and wash your feet in the tub all at the same time. I feel those are fairly reasonable requests. beyond those the list went something like this: own a house with 3 bedrooms, have a back and/or front garden, be close to at least one set of parents, have a great church/christian community, a decent rugby team, a big city, culture, good schools (my preference is private with fancy uniforms ) easy access to the UK and did i mention a home? with space. a spacious home. *(note: to us anything over 600 sq feet is spacious. massive in fact as we have never lived in a space bigger than 400 sq)

As I said to a friend earlier in the week, no place will have everything that we want. No matter how much i want to create the perfect place it simply will never exist for Rhys and I. Let me unpack that statement. Both Rhys and I grew up with our grandparents on our door step. We interacted with our extended family often as both sets of grandparents, cousin, aunts, uncles etc... all lived in our home towns. We had our own rooms, mothers that stayed home with us and were involved in our lives as well as opportunities to travel as a family. We want those same things for our kids. But it will never happen. ALL of our cousins, aunts, grandparents will never live in the same town. I am american- so is my family. Rhys is british- so is his family. One set of family will always live in another country. The UK is expensive. a big city is costly. To live in one it usually means both parents have to work. And work full time. Thinking about it, I dont know anyone over here that stays home full time after their maternity leave is up. It is not fiscally possible. But moving to a place that allows the chance for me to stay home means we lost the big city (i.e. London) lifestyle. see? No place will ever have everything that we want. I can not smash together America and Europe, the mid west and a coastal city, busy metropolis with farming community. I want it all, and that does not exist. Accepting this has made the decision easier.

So with lists made and realistic expectations in place, we explored our options with fresh perspective. What place will provide us with the community that we want, the opportunity to own our own home- complete with kitchen and bathroom big enough for two- and create the family life that we so desperately want? We have reached a decision.

And I have great peace about said decision. It is nice to finally have a direction. Sad to leave europe. Really sad. But great to know we are one step closer to some dreams becoming a reality.