7 April 2011
kristina the ostrich.
I am packing today. urgh! I am sick of packing. I am sick of planning, laying out clothes, snacks, games, toys, more clothes, blankets, books, clothes for Rhys, more snacks....i am sick of packing. it is an unfortunate necessity.
Today's packing is very bittersweet. We are only 11 days away from moving. We are that much closer to being settled and not feeling like we are on hold. But it also means we are only 11 days away from leaving Europe. We are that much closer to saying good bye to an irreplaceable part of our lives. I was discussing this with a friend who made the comment that she knew exactly how I felt. She had just moved to a new flat 2 blocks down the street and saying goodbye to her neighbours was so hard. hmmmm, not quite the same.
Or is it? Is this move to America really that much different? People say goodbye to things that are important to them all the time, why should moving overseas be that big of a deal? I guess whether or not it should be is irrelevant. To me, it is. A very big deal. The closer it gets, the more I want to stick my head in the sand and wait for it to all go away. Maybe if I hide from it, it won’t happen. But that is not the answer either. We can't stay here, I know that. But part of me doesn't want to move. I go back and forth constantl. Poor Rhys, he never knows which Kristina he will get. The "excited to move and can't wait to live in America" Kristina or the sad, teary, "I don’t want to leave Europe because it is awesome" Kristina. Sometimes, just for kicks, I throw in the "I am not leaving because I want to go to Barcelona one more time" Kristina. (I think that Kristina is Rhys' least favourite.)
Which one is it today? Kristina the ostrich. That is the Kristina that wants to stop packing, stop planning and just stick her head in the sand. I am not going to do that because I have to pack. But I want to. I want to not have hard decisions to make. 4 years ago the choice to move to London was so light hearted. We couldn't wait to live in a new place, as newlyweds, and make a life for ourselves. Now, just a few short years later, the decision to leave seems next to impossible. I am writing about it like there is still some indecision. There isn't. The choice has been made. We are coming to America. I know it is the right choice. But it is still difficult.
But I am just tired of it all. I can't imagine how you (the reader) must feel?! What happened to the old blog full of interesting political posts and rants about the NHS? Somewhere along the line of baby and international move, I got distracted. Perhaps once we settle in the states I will write about other things. But right now all I can think about it packing- and sticking my head in the sand.