my mom is coming tomorrow!!

Thursday marks the day that I am officially 30 weeks pregnant. So here we are, nearly there. granted i could wait a few days and actually write the 30 week post on the day that i am actually 30 weeks but its more fun this way right? Plus Thursday also marks the day that I am going in for another operation to remove what can only be described as a huge chunk of my leg. the doctor actually used the word 'chunk' so clearly that is the appropriate medical term for said procedure. i will be immobile for 2 weeks from Thursday on, plus my mom is coming over to take care of me, so i cant imagine a 30 week post on the actual day. hence today instead.

Lots of thoughts are going through my mind. we still don’t have a baby bed, a dresser or something of the like in which to store baby clothes, bottles, a steriliser, wipes, any baby cleaning and washing products, oh and a stroller. so really a lot left to get ready and only 10 weeks to do it. I am getting really excited about everything though. I cant wait until I get to hold my little baby. I. CANT. WAIT. I am so excited in fact that I impulsively booked a 4D scan for tonight. I always said I wouldn’t give into the hype and pay out loads of cash just to see little pictures in a different dimension. i am now more than happily eating my own words. i am so excited to see the little bean move around. and (how cheesy is this) i get a fridge magnet with a picture on it, in addition to CD's and other pictures of course. yup, i am cool. apparently I am already becoming the embarrassing mom who has loads of awkward pictures up everywhere. There is an option for a DVD as well. you can bring in your own music for the background. Rhys and I are still undecided on this option, although we have discussed possible music choices as 'Sweet Child of Mine' by Guns and Roses, and perhaps 'Back in Black' by AC/DC for the black and white park of the scan. just some thoughts...

some other thoughts are, again, focused on Thursday. man, i thought the first round of stitches was pretty rough. i think this one will be a little worse. and i hesitate to say anything because there are loads of people out there with far worse situations than mine, but all the same, it is happening and i am thinking about it. results came back from the first bit of tissue that they removed and it all came back as cancerous. But because all the cells were infected, they cant be sure if and how much the cancer cells have spread. hence the need for a real operation to actually cut out loads of tissue etc...Plus because i am growing a human inside of my stomach, the doctors are having a hard time feeling if my organs are swollen or not. again, reiterating the need for a follow up operation. really i wont know a whole lot until Thursday...so until then i am making jokes about. rhys does not really find these humorous, but gotta do something to stay positive right? But really, i don’t want to dwell on the possibility that something could actually be wrong because that would give that idea real validity. and that is not necessary. clearly everything will be fine. me and, most importantly, my little baby will be fine. because i think i would curl up and die if something happened to the little bean.

I am also thinking that this weekend we had beautiful weather, and yesterday was gorgeous. but the rest of the week is suppose to be rainy and crap. just like today’s weather. rainy and crap. i am so not looking forward to that. just when i think we have finally stepped over the ledge and are falling into beautiful spring/summer time, the weather decides to jump right back into rainy winter. boo.

I was reading on a dear friends blog about her seasons in Russia. She described how excited she was when spring first started to appear after so many months of winter darkness. I truly understand that. its hard living in a place that gets dark at 345 in the afternoon during the long and dreadful winter season. and it is even more glorious when the spring first glow starts to creep in, with the light lingering until 9 or later. often until well after 10 in the heat of the summer. but, alas...i think i still have a bit more left of the cold and rainy before the warm and sunny.

and one final thought... i hate traffic. Whilst i could try and paint a picture with words of the hideousness that is traffic on the M25, i will instead add some pictures.

This was my drive home yesterday. it was not fun. it took HOURS!! literally. hours.

but it wasnt just my side...this is the other side of the road, as we both just sat and sat and sat. not moving. at all.

these are the motor way signs. the flashing lights below the fixed signs are lit up when traffic is heavy and a new speed limit is in place. normally its 70. As the flashing sign illuminates, the limit has been dropped to 50 due to congestion. I sat under this sign for 37 minutes. in this exact spot, not moving an inch, for 37 minutes. i timed it. so what the sign really should flash is a big fat 0. because when you see the sign start to flash, you know that realistically, you wont be going any where...at any speed...for quite a while. gotta love the M25.

normal advertising?

maybe its because i have never bought diapers before...or maybe its the UK. But i just received a coupon in the mail for a discount on nappys (thats how the Brits say diapers), and the add said "the best soft poo absorbing nappy for newborns" really? the best soft poo absorbing?! i was not aware that soft poo was the official way to describe baby excrement. apparently it is. but whether that is normal or not, it made me laugh. a lot.

he is the greatest

I have lots of thoughts floating around in my mind....but neither the will nor the energy to write it all out. i am exhausted and for no good reason. every time i say that to friends they remind me that i am pregnant and that is good enough reason. perhaps. but i am still of the mindset that you actually have to do something to feel tired. sitting on the couch, watching sitcom re-runs and eating goldfish does not actually count as doing something. so, i am tired for no reason other than the fact that i am growing a human.

but i do want to mention, once again, how great my husband is. he is great. pretty much since the day i met him when people asked about him, i said that he was perfect. i still say that. because its true. he is perfect.

on this particular day i would like to honour him with a post because of rugby. this weekend was a big 7's tournament (7's because the game is played with 7 players instead of the usual 15...plus the rules are slightly different) anyway...big tournament, lots of teams, lots of players...and rhys was the best. literally. not only did his team win the entire tournament, but they won in the final minutes thanks to a try by my wonderful and talented husband. he then converted with a kick (at a difficult angle by the way) to gain victory for his team! but if that wasn’t enough, at the awards ceremony in the evening, following the tournament and a regular 15 side rugby game, Rhys was honoured with the "Player of the Tournament" award. see? its not just me that thinks he is great. its every body...so great in fact that they gave him an award. it is sitting on our shelf next to the "Player of the Year" trophy the club game him last year for his regular season exploits.

and i can shamelessly brag about my husband as much as i want. and if i didn’t mention these things, well I am not sure they would ever be known. rhys is one of the most humble men i know. he would never shout about his achievements. so i will do it for him. MY HUSBAND IS GREAT!!

Rhys winning his award


Rhys with his Player of the Tournament award and his medal for being n the 'All Star' team that won the 15 side game. again, see? he is great!

it smells like...fireworks.

i am old. today i turn 27. technically not until 10.30 tonight, so i am still 26. i love birthdays and they have never been a big deal to me before. so why do i suddenly feel old? realistically 27 is not old at all. maybe its my life stage. i am married and with child. does that make me old? everyone around me in jolly ole' england seems to be talking about summer holidays and going traveling...not giving birth and breastfeeding. or it could be that i am still exhausted from our two weeks in America. being tired makes me even more emotional and irrational than i already am. and adding pregnant and tired on to that...well, you can all imagine just how emotional and irrational i am being.

however it does seem that i am not the only irrational one around. today i had my 28 week scan at the hospital. everything is fine. baby is healthy. and i got my results back from the mole i had removed several weeks ago. stage 2 malignant melanoma. awesome. so because of that, they decided that i should go see a 'consultant' Why they don’t just call them doctors, i dont know. so off I went to see a doctor. who determined that everything with baby was fine, but we should do some additional blood work. I have extremely small veins so it took several tries in each arm and eventually a butterfly IV in my hand to get blood. again, awesome. so did blood work, set up another appointment to see another doctor about the skin thing. and then...during the course of general conversation i managed to mention that i had been in Texas recently. yup, really smart of me. so since there has been no outbreak of swine flu in watford yet, i had to get tested for the swine flu as well. so, finally after many hours of appointments, scans and blood being drawn, i walked out of the hospital. and it smelled like fireworks.

fireworks have that really distinctive smell. a mix of rusty barbeque charcoal, burning paper, campfire and the glorious smell of summer. and that is what is smelled like. I decided that i needed to follow the smell. once i got close enough i discovered that hot asphalt also smells like fireworks. i however am choosing to believe that it was a special display of fireworks just for my birthday. (fireworks minus the pretty colours) asphalt or fireworks, it still put a smile on my face as i thought about the summer, the changes coming, the baby. and it reminded me that today is my birthday. and thats great. i love birthdays, especially mine. so i took myself shopping, bought a few new articles of clothing, watched One Tree Hill and Gilmore Girl re-runs on t.v. and cleaned up my room. at the moment i am anxiously awaiting the return of my husband so we can go to dinner. probably Fridays, because that is where we tend to end up for all special occasions. and it will be great.

because today i am 27.

and it smells like fireworks.

i NEED yellow pillows

i have been thinking about my wedding a lot lately. people keep telling me that nothing can top the feeling of holding your child for the first time. but what about your wedding day? without my wedding day it wouldn’t have been possible to even have a child to hold. and lets face it, my wedding was perfect. no really, it was. everything went so perfectly. I loved my dress, i loved the music, i loved the vows, i loved kissing my husband for the first time, i loved walking out of the church, with my hand on his arm, knowing that for the rest of our days we would walk together as husband and wife. I loved that we had Polaroid pictures of all the guest instead of a guest book. i loved my insanely overpriced orchid tree at the reception, i loved that so many JBU people came. i loved that we have all the tasty deserts driven in from Rick's in Fayetteville, i loved that people cried when Rhys D gave the best man speech, i loved that my dad dedicated a special song to me, i love that rhys and i had an amazing first dance, i loved that we had an open bar and people took advantage. i loved everything. and i wouldn’t change a thing. it was an amazing day and i cant imagine anything ever coming close to competing with that day. without my wedding day none of the other amazing things in my life would have happened. i wouldn’t be living in London, i wouldn’t have the amazing friends that i have now, i wouldn’t be getting more than my fill of rugby and football (thats soccer to you americans) and most importantly, i wouldn’t be pregnant.

being a bride was an amazing feeling. one that cannot be accurately put into words, one that cannot be replicated. i wouldn’t trade my day for anything. i loved the extravagance and the elegance. i loved my day.

and because of that day, because i married mr. williams and now live in London, I need yellow pillows. ok, let me explain. I am apparently 'nesting' I have been told that this happens at some stage in your pregnancy. (pregnant and mom friends, is this true? is this normal?) the pregnant woman suddenly feels the need to put together nursery furniture, paint, wash all the little baby clothes and put them away etc... etc... since i have no nursery to speak of, my nesting period is going by without doing any actual 'nesting'. hence the need for yellow pillows. My current duvet set is blue. my grandmother bought it for me as a wedding present and I love it. But i have decided that it needs some yellow. so my baby nesting has now taken the form of normal house nesting. and i need some yellow pillows. i was thinking ikea...they have fun patterns and designs.

and i have decided to end this post with some of my favourite wedding pictures. so here you go.

the church...i love my church


my mom helping me with my dress. this is one of my favourites


woo hoo team bridesmaids!


crazy groomsman


me and my dress. i loved my dress


the best man, clearly on his best behavior


after the ceremony, enjoying being married


on our way to the reception


how we came into the reception. i love piggy back rides!


our first dance

i'm back...and its not fun

we landed back in good ole' London yesterday. and i am not happy about it. Somewhere in the mix of family, friends, niece, nephew, doctors appointments, baby shopping, regular shopping, staying up late every night and 3 different states, i got sick. and i am not happy about that either. I am glad the sickness managed to stay away while I was livin' it up in America, because let me tell you. it was a fantastic time. i love my family and all my friends and the food and the stores...and it was just perfect. a wonderful 17 days in my hometown.

and now? well now I am back 'home' this has to be my home becasue this is where i live. but i am not feeling very 'homey' at the moment. the flat is convered in suitcases half unpacked, clothes scattered everywhere, dirty laundry already piling up and the water leak that happened sometime when we were gone. nothing was damaged, except the celiing which is now an ugly brown colour and the wall which has some lovely brown water stripes/spots to match. so thats fun. welcome home kristina, welcome home.

but i am sure that once i actually manage to catch up on my sleep and get rid of this crap cold/flu like thing that is plaguing me, home wont seem so bad. i am hoping that the two days of throwing up is sickness related and not my morning sickenss returing to all day. i was really liking only throwing up in the mornings and think i would cry if my all day sickness was coming back. lets pray its just crap flu-like thing. on a really positive note though, baby eleri is kicking like mad. and i couldnt possibly love it more. I cherish the feeling of knowing that she is in there, alive and well. even though its a bit werid to constantly get kicked...i wouldnt trade the feeling for anything. growing a human in a very strange yet magically wonderful experience.

eli to eleri

a months ago the doctor was almost 90% sure that i was having a little boy. now he is almost 100% sure that I am having a girl. talk about a shock! I went from being really excited to little blue outfits with dinosuars to....well...not being sure what to think. we had a name. Eli Gryffydd (middle name is welsh. pronounced Griffith) we talked to our son everyday. we read to him, and sung to him, and bought him little boy clothes. and then we were told he wasnt there. and it was a shock.

I would like to say that i responded well. but i cried. a lot. it was hard to let go of an idea that i had spent 10 weeks bonding with. but at the end of the day, thats all it was. an idea, not a reality. little eli was not little eli but in fact little eleri. and it was really hard for me to get used to. I know it sounds pathetic. my child is healthy, growing normally and lets face it, there are hundreds of women out there who would love to be pregnant regardless of the sex. but still, i cried. i went and looked at little girl clothes in a store, burst into tears and spent 30 minutes sobbing in the bathroom. that was tuesday.

and now? now i couldnt be more excited. its werid what our emotions do to us. especially pregnant emotions. now we talk to little eleri. we read to her, and sing to her, and have bought her adorable little girl clothes. and i am thrilled. i am really excited that we are having a little girl first. i know she will make a great big sister whenever little eli does come along. mostly i am just excited that we have a baby. i cant wait the few short months until we can welcome our beautiful little girl into this world. i just know she will be perfect.

and on another note...the tiny guns and roses onesie that i ordered came in the mail today. i have already found a little bow that matches the guns and roses logo. our little girl is cool!