some thoughts

These thoughts are too scattered even for me to try and weave together in paragraph form. Generally I like trying to connect random thoughts; I find it brings joy to my writing. But today, its too much. Perhaps because i have neglected adding any substance to the blog in a while because other articles have taken up my time. or perhaps I am so bored that I simply have to much to say. Regardless, paragraph form is a no go today. so list form it is.

1. Why can I never find the balance between 'bold' and 'obnoxious'? I tend to either let people walk all over me, brush things under the rug and just let it go....or get really angry and retort with some kind of obnoxious remark. There is a middle ground somewhere, so why can’t i find it? Take work last week for example. I went into my boss’s office to tell him that I had my 20 week scan on Friday. I wanted to give him advance warning that I would not be in the office. I thought that was the right thing to do, me being an employee and him being my boss. Clearly, I was wrong. I walked in and said "hey (insert bosses name) I have my 20 week scan on Friday, just wanted to let you know. I will remind you again next week, but thought I should give some advance." His exact response was this. He put done his glasses, leaned back in his chair, looked at me and said "you just wasted 2 minutes of my time telling me that. you can leave now" yeah, he is super cool. So whilst I should have said something like ‘wow, that was a bit harsh...or I don’t think that was a great response, I was just trying to let you know I wouldn’t be in' or anything to let him know I thought it was inappropriate...instead I said this: "well, good thing your time is not valuable" but if that was not bad enough, I went on to say "next time I wont say anything to you, I just wont show up" and then walked out of his office. Sure my boss is an ass, but that doesn’t mean I should stoop down to his level. I can think of several more examples off the top of my head where I have let things slide that have been highly inappropriate or where I have responded meanly when I should have either let something go or come back with a more professional response. There has got to be a medium! I need to find the way to stand up for myself in a healthy way without being rude. or I just need to realise that whilst there are loads of perks to this job, working in an office with 17 boys is NOT the best environment. Just ask me about the boob comment and you will know what I mean.

2. Senate Bill 834. (directly relating to Oklahoma) I know that I live in the UK and this doesn’t really affect me. And I know that I will probably never live in Oklahoma again, let alone teach school in that state, so again, not really affecting me. But it affects the education system of my country. my home state. and I think this is a bad deal. The bill was recently pushed through the senate for the upcoming vote, and what that means is there is a good chance this is pass. Senate Bill 834 is a general end-all deregulation bill for public schools. Some of the key changes, or key losses I should say, are detailed below:
-Due process
-No class size limitations
-No teacher quality
-Bargaining a contract
-Minimum salary schedule
-No guaranteed salary
-Health benefits
-Personal leave days
-Payroll deduction of dues

Basically what the bill is doing is taking away the rights of teachers. Due process? really? and health care? That may seem like no big loss to those of us in the UK who have the fantastic NHS to look after our health needs. (read: no fantastic but desperately falling short in every way NHS) But in the US it is all private. You need health insurance. and if your employer does not provide you with those benefits then, well, you are basically screwed. I know. I taught at a private school that was too small to offer benefits. I went almost 2 years without health insurance. and it sucks. What about the class size limitations? one of the biggest pluses to private education I found was the smaller class size. this enabled more one-on-one time between teacher and student. with no cap on the size of a class...oh can you imagine? This is a poor choice America. And frankly I don’t really care if it increases your tax dollars a tiny fraction. Mostly because I am paying a huge percentage in tax compared to you, but also because those kids are OUR future. What happens when this generation leaves school under-education and uninformed? What becomes of the necessary intellectual professions when there are no intellectuals to caring those on? We need day labourers just as much as we need doctors. We need the public education system to NOT fail students because the government has tied the teacher’s hands. We need the government to back the teachers, to provide them with the necessary tools (yes, a salary falls into 'necessary tools') to teach the kids of today properly. to teach them so that the future stands a chance. Again, poor choice America, poor choice Oklahoma. Vote no on Senate Bill 834. When I get my absentee ballet, I sure will.

3. Why don’t I look pregnant yet? Depending on which due date I go with, America or the UK, I am between 19 and 20 weeks. Essentially half way done. why do I still only look slightly chubby instead of 5 months pregnant? Last night I had a dream that I was walking into the living room to talk to Rhys. I suddenly went into labour, at 19 weeks, and the baby was literally falling out. Rhys grabbed the closest thing he could, which happened to be his old rugby towel, and grabbed the baby. It was only 4 inches long. We rushed to the hospital and they took the baby straight into surgery. In my dream it jumped years ahead and there we were: Rhys, me and little Eli...who never grew beyond 4 inches. While nothing about that dream is realistic, it freaked me out. what if I don’t look pregnant because the baby will never grow? What if little Eli will stay 7oz in weight for the rest of his life? What if I am not really pregnant? never mind that I have seen the baby on the ultrasound and heard the heartbeat.... why cant I just look pregnant? oh, and the baby's name is Eli in case you hadn't picked up on that.

I have some more thoughts, but I am tired of writing for the moment. Those are the main 3. so there you go. A blog with some substance and not just a picture. But admit it, that little Led Zeppelin onesie is adorable!