I am jealous of....

I am jealous of people who know exactly what they are going to look like when they get up in the morning. people who know they will be the same size, colour, and shape. People who know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when they look in the mirror after one night of sleep, they will not have grown 4 sizes, have an extra chin or two, a rash, red bumps, random curls in normally straight as a board hair and so on. I am jealous of those people that don’t have a surprise almost every single morning when they look in the mirror, because let me tell you. I have a surprise. I can’t plan ahead on outfits because at the rate that I am outgrowing my clothes, there is no guarantee what will fit on a day to day basis. I have no idea what my stomach, arms, face and sides will look like. nearly every day my stomach is getting bigger. which i love. but my arms are also putting on some additional weight. This, i do not love. but my chicken legs are still chicken legs. i am beginning to wonder how they will support my massively growing upper half.

I am jealous of people who can go on water slides and roller coasters. Granted there are neither water slides nor roller coasters around me, or is there is promise of a chance to do either one of those things in the near future. Yet the budding trees and fresh blossoms of a coming spring time always make me want an amusement park and a good ole' water slide. Even if I wanted to walk around in public in a bathing suit, and that is assuming that I can even find one that is decent and fits, all such joys are prohibited to pregnant people. Yes, yes, I understand why. but that does not take away my desire.

I am jealous of people who don’t label check every. single. piece. of. food. they. buy. Thats right, every. single. one. I am ready for the day when I can walk into a store and think 'hmm...this sounds nice. I will purchase this item of food for consumption' instead of 'oh that sounds nice...better check first to make sure it is free from all the yummy food stuff that pregnant people are banned from eating lest their baby end up with seven heads and 23 billion eyes' Apparently a vast majority of the foods I eat regularly are not pregnancy appropriate. I am happy to not eat them to protect little the little bean, but I am still jealous of the people who don’t have to care. which brings me to the next point.

I am jealous of people who can eat hotdogs. I love hot dogs. I am going to a Rangers game in April. I want a hot dog. with mustard and relish and ketchup. and i cannot have one. they are banned. and i am jealous of the hundreds of other people in the stadium who will be munching away on the magical baseball food of 'ball park hotdogs'

I am jealous of all the people who got to drink green beer on st. patrick's day. yes, i realise that was weeks ago. but i am still jealous. still.

I am jealous of all the people who can sleep on their back at night. They, they experts that be, say from about 23 weeks on pregnant woman should not sleep on their back because there is a chance that the baby could fall against the umbilical cord, and the weight of their body would cause the cord to smash, hence limiting blood/food/oxygen supply to the baby and potentially resulting in death. I have been terrified of this happening since i was about 7 weeks pregnant. when the baby was the size of an apple seed and couldn’t possibly have smashed anything. Yet since November 2008 I have not slept on my back once. I used to only sleep on my back. Its been quite a change. so i am jealous of all you normal back sleepers out there. Oh, and let me just say before pregnant people or mom's come back and say that they slept on their backs and their baby's are totally fine...I will not listen to you. i will still be scared. still not sleep on my back. and still be jealous of all those who can.

I am jealous of people who get to go on holiday. ok, so this is pretty cheap of me to say because come July i will have a little boy and that is way better than a holiday. but at this point all my friends are booking their annual holidays to a warm, beachy and fabulous destinations. Cuba, Spain, Jamaica, Egypt, Greece...and I am stuck in rainy, cold UK. and since i still have 4 months left of being pregnant....it seems like ages away until the little bean comes into this world. and a holiday sounds fantastic. and way out of reach. so i am jealous.

I am jealous of people who can sit for long periods of time without pain. those people who can sit at a desk, or on the couch, or in a car and not constantly feel like they need to stand up or shift around lest their right side explode. Or the people who can watch a movie without weird pains in their hips and the need to lay down so their head will stay attached to their body.

I am jealous of people who do not have to pee every 15 minutes. I am probably the most jealous of this. Well, this or maybe hotdogs. I have an uncontrollable need to pee CONSTANTLY. In university I went on a road trip and for some reason had to pee several times before we arrived at our destination. I was saddled with the nickname ‘squirrel bladder’ for the rest of the weekend. now, I really do have a squirrel bladder. No matter what I do or don’t drink. Or how often I rush to bathroom to have absolutely. nothing. come. out. I still feel the undying urge to pee every 15 minutes. Those of you who have regular, normal person bathroom breaks. I am jealous.

Yet I love that I am pregnant. I love that I can feel Eli move. I love that he likes to kick me all day long. I like that I get to talk to him and sing to him (although rhys does most of the singing) and read to him. I love that he is there, with me all the time. I love tremendously the fact that I am pregnant. It is an amazing feeling. i couldn’t imagine not being pregnant at this particular stage. its such an unexpectedly, mind blowing-ly, awesome experience. and i would trade it for the world. but.....I am still jealous sometimes...