19 March 2009

a good lesson on pride

Just when i start to get comfortable with a lesson that I feel i have really grasped, something else happens. Ever feel like that? Like you have really started to make sense of what Jesus was trying to teach you and then suddenly...you are completely broadsided with something else? that happened to me yesterday. Let me explain....

Monday: I get a call from the head of finance. Lets call him 'P'
P: Kristina, we have a very important meeting on Wednesday that I really need you in for. It is at 10:30. Please make sure you are available."
Me: Sure, no problem. I will be there.

Tuesday: Head of finance calls again, just to make sure that i was planning on being there for the 'really important meeting' I say of course I am.

Wednesday: P shows up, some people show up. I happen to answer the door and show everyone to the conf room. Then go to find P. I also make a stop off at the bathroom because I have to pee constantly. Seriously, about every 15 minutes I feel like I need to run to the bathroom or I will explode. So off to pee I went.

Upon returning to the conference room, i found everyone seated. P walked in a few seconds after me and I thought, oh good, meeting ready to start. and this is what happened...

P: oh good your are here. I would like a coffee, white no sugar. What does everyone else want? Kristina will run along and get it.
I think my facial expression gave away my true emotions. Shock, annoyance, frustration....what I wanted to say was 'get your own coffee' and whilst I did not verbally say that, i am pretty sure my face said it. bad move kristina, bad move.

I went to get the coffee and tea for everyone. but the whole time I did I was really annoyed. Why in the world did P call twice to make sure I was going to be there? Just to make sure he didn’t have to get the coffee and tea himself? really? is that all I am good for? In this company, apparently so. I run across the street to get milk for people when they run out, get more coffee, bring it in to meetings. since when did i become a secretary!!?! and then it hit me. like a ton of bricks. i am overflowing with pride.

Am i really that arrogant that I cannot be grateful for the fact that I have an easy job, in this difficult economic climate, that pays me extremely well to basically do nothing? how am i not grateful for that? how can i forget that God has blessed me with so much at this time, not the least of which is excellent maternity leave!? enter pride. it just seeps in and starts to tear away at your grateful and gentle spirit, making you easily annoyed, visibly frustrated and verbally negative. so whilst i feel I am learning quite a bit about simplicity, apparently I still have quite a lot to learn about pride.


racheljenae said...

oooh if only you know how many times this has happened to me... and i am an assistant :) its ugly...

Saskia said...

I came across your blog from Whitney's and I could have written this post myself. I feel ungrateful complaining about a job that allows me time to blog, comment, edit photos etc. but I feel so undervalued and unfulfilled sometimes!

Saskia x