24 January 2010

so much to learn

we are on day 5 of weaning. about 3 weeks ago i was not ready to give up breastfeeding. its just so convenient. i can come and go as i please, never having to worry about packing anything, cleaning and sterilizing anything. you just cant beat the ease of it. then, about 2 weeks ago it hit me. suddenly i was ready. i wanted my body back. i wanted to be able to eat whatever i wanted and not have to worry about how it would affect the baby. i wanted to be able to run as far as i wanted without worry about how it could affect my milk production. i wanted to be able to fit back into my pre-pregnancy shirts. i was ready. and then about a week ago, i discovered little eleri had 2 teeth. and that pretty much sealed the deal. i was done breastfeeding.

i just had to figure out how to wean her. and wean her quickly.

so we are on day 5. i have learned more about flexibility in the past 5 days than i thought was possible. i had so many ideas about what i would and wouldnt do when i had a child; i was pretty quick to tell people my opinions. and in the past 5 days i have had to eat all of those words. i was anti-bottle and anti-formula. i am now using both of those things. because at the end of the day, its not about me and my crazy mom ideas; its about what is best for the baby. and right now, the only way ele will take formula is in a bottle. so thats what we are doing. and its not that bad. in fact neither a bottle nor formula are the end of the world like i had pictured them to be.

and the last post i wrote? about no teething pains? well, i am eating those words now too. last night the poor, little one had a combo of teething pain and constipation due to the formula and solid food combo. she woke up at midnight and didnt really stop crying until about 7.30 this morning. it was a rough night. for both of us. I was trying so hard not to be frustrated, because it wasnt eleri's fault. she was in pain and had no other way to get her point across than to cry. and i couldnt leave my poor little baby to just cry in her crib. so even though i said i wouldnt be one of those moms who constantly picked up/rocked/held their baby...last night i dont think i ever put her down. and it didnt stop there. i brought her into our bed and cuddled her there. even though i said i wouldnt let her sleep in our bed. oh the best laid plans...

and after a night of no sleep, i also had to eat my words about no one than one baby einstein a day. she has watched, oh i dont know, maybe 5 of them. yup. baby einstein, the free babysitter. how awful is that?! i am using no sleep in 24 hours as an excuse, but again, having to go back on something i said.

so the point of this all? its not to tell you what a bad mom i am. (i promise, i am not as awful as i seem!)or even to say how stupid some of my ideas were pre-baby (really? whats so bad about a bottle and sleeping in my bed anyway?) the point is to say that being a mom is really about being flexible. well, for me at least. everyday is different. and that is probably my favourite thing about being a mother. you never know what tomorrow will hold and that fits perfectly in with my personality. i love the adventure that motherhood is. but along with that comes not so nice surprises, like early teeth, constipation, formula, bottles, sleepless nights and so many others things yet to go. flexibility is a MUST.

so here is to day 6 of weaning. and many more days of learning what it takes to be the best mom i can be to my little chicklet.